I just don't know anymore...

Ryuzaki

女性以上のお金
Staff member
BuSo Pro
Digital Strategist
Joined
Sep 3, 2014
Messages
3,725
Likes
7,066
Degree
8
I'll say this just to give you, @DanielS, some context around what @CCarter is saying about talking to your parents.

I grew up in a family where my dad made good money. We were lower-end middle class. I did well enough in high school to get a full-paid scholarship, as did my brother. My sister didn't, and my parents ended up buying a condominium for her to live in while in college, with the plan to sell it when she finished. But my brother and I ended up moving in there too later for college since housing wasn't included in our scholarships.

Our dad was happy to pay for it like anything else because it was his way of making up for being a complete shit bag in every other way. Our Christmas's were insane with gifts, even though he was out all night Christmas Eve and late for Christmas morning, high off his ass laid up in some slum house.

But it was absurd. Us three siblings were fighting non-stop because we're dysfunctional from growing up like that. My parents were control freaks. They'd literally go grocery shopping and then drive the groceries one hour to us and put it in the fridge (instead of giving us money to buy them ourselves). They actively discouraged us from having jobs while in college. It wasn't all bad or from a bad place, but it had a bad effect.

Eventually I got sick of it. Accepting that treatment meant accepting their control. I was the first to start insisting that I pay rent and they refused to take any money after I chose to get a job (killing it on summer paid internships and previous jobs). Eventually I told them "I'm moving out, it's time for me to live as an adult." And I did it, with my siblings following suit. I was about your age at the time. My parents soon after sold the condo, my dad lost his job, blew their retirement, refinanced everything over and over, my dad went to jail for a while, failed rehab 4 or 5 times, etc.

Still, to this day, he tells everyone how much he regrets having to kick me out of that condo and forcing me to grow up and live like a man.

That's some very personal information I'm putting out there solely for the sake of trying to help you out.

The point is that all the good your parents think they are doing can stunt your growth, and their reasons for doing it aren't as innocent as you may think either. And it is up to YOU to take on responsibility and grow and to thrust off any coddling being done to you. It is not good for you.

Should you just take the leap? No, you need to get a day job or get clients and get a small nest-egg of 3-6 months savings first. But all this crap about "$2,000 rent" is a bullshit excuse. You can move anywhere that has reasonable rent rates. Every city has high, medium, and low rent areas. You can leave your city, your province, your country. I'm not into this "go travel south east asia" fetish everyone has. Just find somewhere that matches your culture and find stability first. I'd suspect you could find somewhere to rent for $750 or less. And find US clients so you take advantage of the exchange rate and charge them US prices.

It's all on you. There is no external locus of control here. There's no luck, no probabilities, nothing. You either make it happen on your own terms or eventually it will be made to happen with you kicking and screaming.

I have a buddy who's a great person but not very intelligent. Growing up, his dad tried to discipline him and his dumb ass brother and the mom would say no. She'd coddle them, protect them. Eventually a divorce happened and they chose to move in with mom. And mom turned into a devil. She "forced" them to both get jobs and pay rent, but rent meant their entire paychecks. One of them is 37 and one is 33, both live at home with mom and can't get any savings together. And they chose to live with mom because she was the nice one who let them be children. And now they're in their 30's and still children with a domineering abusive mom who finally showed her true colors.

These are real life stories with zero exaggeration. Your parents probably aren't like that, but look at your life and tell me if the result is any different. What will it look like when you hit 30 if you keep on the path you're on?
 
Joined
Dec 31, 2016
Messages
596
Likes
420
Degree
2
@Ryuzaki That was personal mate. I had a real shitbag parent as well. That's also why you're correct that Daniel here need to get out so he can get his mind free from narcissistic manipulation.
 

Steve Brownlie

Building Links
BuSo Pro
Digital Strategist
Joined
Nov 16, 2015
Messages
347
Likes
648
Degree
2
This is probably an issue too. Your drive and motivation will expand to match your responsibility. That's why a lot of us talk about "burning the boat" as the old Buddhist parable goes. You cross the river and destroy the ability to go back to comfort, and then the only path is forward and survival is a must.
I love this quote. There's a reason the head of the sales department always encourages his team to look at the sexiest company cars on the list and opt for one of those even if it's not one of the ones they can have comped by the company. Always buy a bigger house 'hey Joe you can afford it now, treat the wife and kids'. Always holiday somewhere expensive...

People definitely work harder when they HAVE to get that extra 3 sales vs. they kinda might like to but shit is pretty easy right now because no bills.
 

darkzerothree

DunkelNullDrei
Joined
Feb 16, 2017
Messages
471
Likes
326
Degree
2
Getting the F out of dodge should be #1 priority.

Nothing helped me grow as much as a young adult as living on my own in a new city.

I have to say, I am quite enjoying the truth bombs @CCarter is dishing out.

I'll pick something up

"The first 3 months are worthless for the client."

No. No, they are not.
You explain to them WHY these first three months of work are needed.
How this is the foundation everything is built on.

THEN you take the list of things that you can do to drive traffic in those months already and UPSELL them.

- we can do reddit traffic leaking to the youtube content for $500 a month
- if you have the budget, we can run youtube ads for $Budget and $1K a month
- we should promote your brand on pinterest for $300 a month
... and and and

I have to say, I had clients who wanted SEO only.
SO what do?

I straight out tell them this:

"It will take time for those improvements to hit. Expect three to six months until you see real results. Everyone who promises you a faster ranking and a #1 spot is lying.
I can offer you a monthly reporting service where we see exactly what is happening across the board and we can identify opportunities and weaknesses as the site rank develops for $xxx."

Guess what?

They all buy.

And those rent numbers? What the fuck is the next city? Seriously, tell me.
Unless you live in Singapore, Paris, London, San Francisco or zurich, I am sure you can find cheaper rent.

not in the city center, so fucking WHAT?

And if you really can't find anything cheaper, then fucking work to afford it.
 
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
34
Likes
45
Degree
0
Hi everyone,

I took some time to digest the feedback that you have all been kind enough to give to me in this thread. I really do appreciate the honest feedback, and I can assure you that I've read every word that has been posted in this thread (even if I haven't responded to everything). I figured I would take the time to write out my thoughts here, as I find this to actually be quite therapeutic and helpful.

Living Situation:

So, one of the big topics that has been talked about in this thread is my living situation. Many people have chimed in and stated that due to my current living situation, I have been placed in the position of having it easy. Due to the fact that my living situation has made things easy for me, this has caused me to not have the drive and/or hustle to put in work. I agree with this 100%- I have had things easy. It was fine when I was 18 and 19, but I'm 22 now and it's starting to get a little bit pathetic.

@CCarter told me to ask my parents why they have not kicked me out, and I did it. I have not been kicked out of the house by my parents for multiple reasons.

First, rent prices. Rent prices are through the roof due to a variety of different reasons in my entire country, let alone my town.

Second, my parents don't want me to sit alone in isolation 24/7, which has a high chance of happening if I move out. I do not have any friends (by choice) and I don't mind going for a long time without talking to anyone, but my parents don't seem to like this thought very much- they don't want me to be a loner.

Look, here's the real truth about my living situation: It's my fault. I've never shown any legitimate interest in moving out. Do outside factors influence this? Maybe- but I've let them influence me. If I really wanted to move out, I would be actively pursuing more work and grinding for 8+ hours a day. Instead, I'm doing client work for 4-5 hours a day and then lazily writing a sales page and/or scheduling Instagram posts for 30 minutes.

I understand the logic behind me moving out and putting myself in a position of desperation, but if I'm being honest, if it takes me being a position to suffer from financial ruin or a gun pointed at my head to get me to work, then clearly I'm not doing what I should be doing. I've stuck with this online entrepreneurship stuff for nearly 4 years now, so I don't think I need to be put in this position to work, but I do 100% think that I really need some concrete goals to work towards that I actually want to achieve.

Work Situation:

After reading all of the responses about my current work situation, I've absorbed the feedback given and realized a few different things.

First, I don't hate client work, but I hate having a job. Here's what I mean: I hate having to work for a certain amount of hours each week in order to get paid a certain amount of money. I don't like getting paid by the hour, because it forces me to stretch out work so I can reach my hourly limit so I can earn the maximum amount of money possible each week. Obviously, the solution would be for me to not get paid hourly, but the reason I did this was so I didn't end up working for free by having clients ask me to perform a bunch of seemingly small tasks that add up over the course of a month. The solution for this is for me to charge enough money each month so I don't have the fear of working for free or doing more work than what I was paid to do (and also telling clients to buzz off if they cross the line, but this is dangerous when working on Upwork as there is a review system that can destroy you).

Second, the service I'm offering currently isn't worth more than $500.00 a month, and it's a low-retention service due to the nature of the work that is being done. So, in order for me to be able to charge a significant fee each month, I need to add more value to my service like many have stated. Instead of just doing on-page video SEO, designing thumbnails, providing analytics reports at the end of each month, and the odd consulting call, I need to find a way to either become more of an agency and pair social media marketing services with my YouTube marketing services, or I need to devote time to learning how to give good results with paid ads so clients get more instant gratification.

As far as it goes for working on Upwork (which I didn't really talk about up until this point in this thread) I think that it's a bomb waiting to explode. 1 bad review and I'm screwed. I could do the greatest job in the world for a client but if they're having a bad day and they decide to leave a 1-star review, my profile will be ruined forever. So, I need to actually start focusing on building my website so I'm able to start selling my services to clients without worrying about a flawed review system. Currently I am earning around $1600.00 a month on Upwork. I wouldn't mind getting this up to $2000.00 a month (1 more client) and then going gung-ho on my website so I can start charging $1000.00 a month per. client so I only need to get 4 clients to be able to be earning a significant amount of money.

Bad Habits:

Since January, I've been trying to make an honest effort to remove bad habits from my life, or as I like to call them: habitual distractions. This is what is so frustrating to me- I know the things in my life that are affecting me negatively and I know that it's important I remove them in order for me to really make strides to move forward. However, I've been struggling to remove these habitual distractions, as they make me feel better by distracting myself from my current situation. Things like social media, YouTube, video games, etc. are all habitual distractions that are clearly effecting me negatively, and I've had success removing them from my life multiple times this year, but they've always returned after a period of 14-21 days.

Social media negatively affects me because it makes me feel very disconnected from the world around me (kind of funny when you think about it). I could type out all the reasons why I really shouldn't be using social media, but I don't think it's needed- we already all know why not using social media is a good thing.

YouTube is an interesting one. When I say YouTube is a habitual distraction for me, I mean in terms of watching videos for entertainment purposes, not working on client YouTube channels. It's so stupid honestly, but I feel like I know the YouTube creators when I watching their videos, which is completely mental because I do not have a clue who these people are. I've never met them in person, I've never spoken to them, I don't know them. So why, when I'm just sitting around in my house or riding my bike, am I having thoughts like "wow, I wonder what [YouTuber name] is doing right now?" Who cares! Not only am I distracted when I'm watching videos, but I'm distracted when I'm not even watching the videos! I guess watching videos from the same people for 3-4 years on a regular basis will cause this to happen, but regardless, I need a complete separation from watching YouTube videos for a good 3+ months.

Long story short, I need to actively make an effort to eliminate these various different habitial distractions from my life, and I think having concrete goals to work towards will help with this, as I won't have the mental bandwidth to be things about these habits.

Conclusion:

Overall, I'm an idiot who has been in the online entrepreneurship game for nearly 4 years but still makes mistakes that "wantrepreneurs" make in their first year. I have bad habits and I've created imaginary obstacles for myself which have stopped me from making any real progress. I have no concrete goals and I suffer from self-sabotage and paralysis by analysis.

The first thing I think I need to do (ya'll can tell me if I'm wrong) is I need to sit in the middle of a forest and create some concrete goals that I actually care about. After establishing these goals I need to re-start the process in eliminating my habitual distractions and my negative traits. Then I need to get tunnel vision and start putting in the work, not worrying about how many days, weeks, or months have gone by (another negative trait I have is thinking too much about the past and future).

P.S. If I'm still a complete idiot and I didn't address things that I need to address, please feel free to let me know- I really appreciate everyone's input thus far.
 

CCarter

If they cease to believe in u, do u even exist?
Staff member
BuSo Pro
Boot Camp
Digital Strategist
Joined
Sep 15, 2014
Messages
2,383
Likes
5,612
Degree
6
so I don't think I need to be put in this position to work
"You'll always come up with reasons when you're not serious." - Dan Peña

Your thinking is what got you into the mess you are in, so how in the world can it get you out of it without new data or a new perspective?

Overall, I'm an idiot who has been in the online entrepreneurship game for nearly 4 years but still makes mistakes that "wantrepreneurs" make in their first year.
4 years is nothing. Wait till you are in this game for 15+ or 25+ years and have to contemplate whether you made the right choices. If you can't find motivation now, what's going to happen when you are 15+ years into this game?

Entrepreneurs are born a certain way. Most entrepreneurs sold candy, traded baseball cards, or did some money hustling thing in their free time when growing up as a kids. It's a part of our DNA. It's like a basketball player, no matter how much you love the sport, if you don't have the gifts and DNA of being 6 feet whatever and coordinated, it's simply not in your DNA. You can be a great local basketball star fine, but you won't make the league.

You know how difficult it is to be an entrepreneur late at night while your girlfriend is crying you haven't spent enough time with her then you have to make the difficult decision between her and your business? Guess what a true bred entrepreneur picks?

Elon Musk turned 47 years old in 2018, you know what he was doing on his birthday? Working 24 hours alone in the Telsa factory. Most of you don't want it as badly as Musk does, but the fact that you can't muster up motivation to even move out and take that small risk- "I don't think you got it in you kid".

The great thing about the internet is you don't have to necessarily be an entrepreneur to make money online. You can be a part of an outsourcing team, you can start a YouTube channel revolving around your favorite hobby. You don't have to be "CEO" to make a living online. You just have to be able to provide value to an audience and figure out how to get paid for that value.

Here is a reality - there are people with real problems that walk around this world. They've got mental problems, physical problems, psychological problems, and yet they find the will to get up every day and "go at it". @DanielS you have a luxury of not having these uphill battles plague you.

To put in perspective I was talking to one of my best friends about my current break up problem and we got into it deep, and I've known her for about 12 years now. She straight up told me how she got raped at 8 years old multiple times. Now this was BEYOND shocking to me cause she never displayed any trauma or shit from that experience in all the time I've known her. All of a sudden my bullshit break up looks like nothing compared to some of the shit she told me about. It's about fucking perspective at the end of the day.

You are playing the game of life on easy, just make the fucking leap already. Move out and start living fucking life. You've barely scraped your knees on all the problems this world can really bring you.

You have the ability to make millions of dollars and do whatever the fuck you want once you get past this bullshit barrier you've created for yourself. You and your parents have created. It's time to take responsibility for your life and actions. Either you grow up or you stay a child forever. But here is a real reality - one day your parents aren't going to be there - that's a FACT. What the fuck are you going to do then? Especially if you don't learn to live on your own right now?

The reality is if you don't move out immediately you are going to be back here a year from now asking yourself "Why is your life still the same". Do me a favor and update us in a year from today on where you are at, cause it'll serve as a lesson or a warning, whether in failure or success, to those that simply don't want to pull the trigger or don't realize they have it in them.

 

Tao

Joined
Apr 29, 2017
Messages
148
Likes
125
Degree
1
Shit! Some tough love going on in this thread, but thought I would chime in anyway.

You sound a lot like me.

I don't really come here much any more, but if you look back over my threads, you will see I am stuck in a somewhat similar situation as you. I am comfortable - have a well paid 9-to-5 job, house, family, things I want, not many friends etc. I also constantly beat myself up about where I am in my business (things still haven't changed since my original posts, despite the tough love I got) and I am frustrated, stuck, lost and deep in my own lack of drive, loss of motivation, indecision and confusion.

It is interesting to read this thread from start to finish from cold and what I can see is that you have presented your problems, people have given you excellent advice and you have done your best to deflect that advice and rationalise why you can't move from your current situation.

Put simply - you don't want to change.

No-one here is going to fix your problems. No advice (despite how amazing some of it is) is going to hit home with you. I have spent years trying to find that lightbulb moment from books, videos, forums and "gurus" - but I have had to accept that the truth is that it is not there. That lightbulb can only come from within me. I have to take responsibility for my own actions, shortcomings and outcomes - Gary Vee ain't gonna teach me shit.

I am 48 now and I can almost guarantee that if I read this in a years time, I will be in exactly the same situation as I am now. I think you would be the same too. Some of what you have written smacks to me of burn-out or depression, so perhaps look into that before you make any decisions.
 

darkzerothree

DunkelNullDrei
Joined
Feb 16, 2017
Messages
471
Likes
326
Degree
2
Shiit...

Getting comfortable is already bad enough in the 40s (I am there, I know the feel) but getting too comfortable to do shit in your early twenties?

@OP - You are only serving excuses.
 

BCN

$$$$ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ $$$$
Joined
Dec 26, 2015
Messages
108
Likes
135
Degree
1
Stop thinking so much, and don't worry about doing it all perfect. Move out. Worst case you won't die or anything, you'd just move back, save up some cash and do it again.

What do you think your current situation of living at home, making shit money and not having friends will do for you?

It won't magically change for the better. It's not like reading some more or making some SMART goal or something will make the pieces fall in place. You said you've been doing IM for 4 years?

Two years from now it will be the same unless you change.

Your issue isn't distractions, it's just an effect. Nobody likes their job every day, I hate 75% of my work, still get it done.
 

CCarter

If they cease to believe in u, do u even exist?
Staff member
BuSo Pro
Boot Camp
Digital Strategist
Joined
Sep 15, 2014
Messages
2,383
Likes
5,612
Degree
6
I wanted to follow up @DanielS - I think Jordan Peterson hit the nail on the head on your problem and a whole generation of men that are growing up. He's Canadian too, sorry.

--


--


--

Men aren't being told they need to get their act together and take responsibilities on. It gives your life a purpose. The fact your parents haven't kicked you out means they are holding you back from being an adult. THIS CANNOT GO ON, or you'll be a forever man-child.
 
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
34
Likes
45
Degree
0
I wanted to follow up @DanielS - I think Jordan Peterson hit the nail on the head on your problem and a whole generation of men that are growing up. He's Canadian too, sorry.

--


--


--

Men aren't being told they need to get their act together and take responsibilities on. It gives your life a purpose. The fact your parents haven't kicked you out means they are holding you back from being an adult. THIS CANNOT GO ON, or you'll be a forever man-child.
Hi @CCarter,

I really appreciate this- I'll watch both of these videos from Dr. Peterson today!

I do 100% agree with you in regards to me essentially living as a child in a 22 year old's body. There are things which I do in my life as a result of factors outside of me that would make you head spin if I told you. For example, did you know that I've never driven my car, which I pay for 100%, by myself? I've literally had a parent in my passenger seat every single time I've drove my car, and I've had my licence for 4 years now. 16 year olds drive alone, but I don't?

I've also discovered these last few months that I really am quite lazy- it's my big obstacle. But why am I so lazy? Well, because of what you said- I can be because I really have no responsibilities aside from clocking hours for freelance work.
 
Joined
Apr 7, 2016
Messages
287
Likes
184
Degree
1
For example, did you know that I've never driven my car, which I pay for 100%, by myself? I've literally had a parent in my passenger seat every single time I've drove my car, and I've had my licence for 4 years now.
Why haven't you driven your car by yourself?
 

CCarter

If they cease to believe in u, do u even exist?
Staff member
BuSo Pro
Boot Camp
Digital Strategist
Joined
Sep 15, 2014
Messages
2,383
Likes
5,612
Degree
6
I've literally had a parent in my passenger seat every single time I've drove my car, and I've had my licence for 4 years now. 16 year olds drive alone, but I don't?

What. The. Fuck.

How in the world do you plan on having a girlfriend or a relationship if you can't even go pick her up without a parent in your the car?

That's a DEEP psychological issue you need to FIX RIGHT FUCKING NOW. Get in your fucking car and drive to the fucking coffee shop and drive fucking back. Jebus Christ.

You also need to go slap your father. And your mother. This shit is a result of parents trying to be "friends" with their children instead of being adults and guiding kids through life.

Dude. Holy Shit.
 
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
34
Likes
45
Degree
0
The things I've said in this thread, they're almost all ridiculous- and they're also all my fault.

The car example I gave above was to demonstrate the fact that I am essentially living like Peter Pan. I don't technically have responsibilities- aside from opening the garage door for my parents before they get home from work and doing 3-4 hours of freelance client work a day.

(I'm writing this in the afternoon, at 3:55 PM, on a Wednesday, in my pajamas BTW).

People reading this thread are probably ripping their hair out, wondering "what the heck is wrong with this guy!?" Fact of the matter is, I do the same thing on a weekly basis. I have a meeting with myself in my head, and I ask myself why I'm in the position I am, and what I could have done differently to prevent it.

"What I could have done." Living in the past- it's a bad habit of mine. I know it's not good to live in the past, especially since the person I was in the past is inferior to the person I am now (all things considered, of course).

But here's the big question...

How can I live in the present when my currently reality is miserable, and how can I look to the future when all I feel is apathy? This is why I haven't just gotten in my car and driven around by myself (as an example).

I clearly have the capability to make money online- I am right now. I've earned more money this past year than I have in the past 4 years combined. But everytime I lose a client, it seems to be harder for me to work up the willingness to put in the effort to get another client, because I have this feeling of apathy towards everything.

I want to earn more money and achieve more success, but at the same time, realistically, what's the point?

Faith, freedom, family, and health- these are the 4 things I value. Problem is, I can't think of any reasons which fit into the 4 areas that are strong enough reasons to stop me from feeling apathetic towards basically everything.

This is where I'm at right now, and it's really frustrating.

P.S. I'm a private person who doesn't like to complain to other people, so just writing this (and the other posts) is making me a little nauseous (not really), but the people on this forum are the only people I have to converse with.
 

CCarter

If they cease to believe in u, do u even exist?
Staff member
BuSo Pro
Boot Camp
Digital Strategist
Joined
Sep 15, 2014
Messages
2,383
Likes
5,612
Degree
6
Earning a $1 million in the next week is not going to magically make you jump in the car and ride around by yourself. Money is NEVER the problem.
 
Joined
Jul 22, 2014
Messages
219
Likes
239
Degree
1
To be honest, you're lucky to have gotten any responses at all after revealing some of the pathetic stuff you're typing in this thread. I'm on your side as is everyone else here, but you need to hear the unfiltered truth, too.

There's some very simple things you can do that will start to change your perspective and act as "pattern breaks."

(I'm writing this in the afternoon, at 3:55 PM, on a Wednesday, in my pajamas BTW).
Have some self-respect and start putting on some fucking adult clothes when you work. It doesn't matter who can see you. Have some respect for yourself.

I've literally had a parent in my passenger seat every single time I've drove my car, and I've had my licence for 4 years now. 16 year olds drive alone, but I don't?
Go get in the car, if you own one, and drive around the neighborhood and back. And tell your parents to open the garage door on your own because you can't be disturbed at that time because you're working. Set some boundaries. "Open the garage door when I get home" is part of their control system.

People reading this thread are probably ripping their hair out, wondering "what the heck is wrong with this guy!?"
Yes, you're right. It's downright pathetic. I'm wondering what gives you the gall to even speak among men while acting like such a child.

The good news is, you can change. It doesn't matter why you're where you're at. It matters why you want to change. And you're posting crap about "why should I even bother?" Why should we bother helping you then? Go read Day #1 of the Crash Course. Go read What is Your Reason? Both of those explain why you're in a shitty position and don't even care.

Part of the reason is you like it. You get secondary benefits from it that are more pleasurable to you than the pain of growing the fuck up. And you should be disgusted with yourself for that. But it's forgivable because you don't yet know the how good it feels to be an independent, responsible adult male. And your parents and society at a whole like it that way, because it makes you an easily controllable, docile baby.

Let me tell you this. We had/have a guy here who was/is in a similar spot as you. Of adult age, lives with someone else, sleeps in his nephew's racecar bed, has self-esteem issues (for a legitimate reason) which extends to him being scared to promote his websites. Pressing publish or building a link made him shit his pants. You know what he did? He scooped up his nuts and got the work done. I don't know if he's risen out of the position he was in, but I can tell he has more self-esteem and more of a sense of control over his life by the way he posts.

That's what you're lacking. Self-esteem and a sense of control over your life.

We even had some moron talking about he didn't know how to cook an egg. Okay? And that's supposed to impress us? Watch a youtube video then go try it, you literal cretin. You need to ask yourself if there's a part of you that typed all this shit in this thread and thought you were bragging. As absurd as it sounds, in the deepest, darkest crevice of your pea brain, is there some sick, festering corner that took delight in talking about how oppressed and pathetic you're being?

You are not pathetic. Your actions are, though. Extremely pathetic.

How can I live in the present when my currently reality is miserable, and how can I look to the future when all I feel is apathy?
This is some emo nonsense. "All I can do is mourn over the past, which makes me pooh-pooh the present, which means I have no hope in the future." Yeah, you're probably depressed to some degree. I would be too. Depression is an illness of the past, from memories and trauma and frustrations. It's valid and you're right to feel that way. But I also have to tell you that everyone experiences it, and you don't see everyone else moping around. Some hide it and keep it secret. The successful work on themselves to improve. You started this thread, which is good. But what you need to do and what you're doing are still world's apart. I bet you didn't even drive your car around the block did you?

You better care about the future, because your current trajectory is looking downright dreadful.

Faith, freedom, family, and health
Now we're talking. Let me tell you what pops in my head reading those four items in the context of your situation:

Faith - you have an ethical and moral obligation to God and Jesus or whoever you believe in to stop being a little bitch. Do you think God is proud that you're not remotely living to your full potential? Do you think God is happy that you're setting a shit example to those who look up to you and follow your path as guidance? (They exist, whether you know it or not). If I was your God, I wouldn't give a rat's ass about the fact that you pray to me every day for someone else and ask me to bless them, and wish good upon the planet, or even ask for help. I want to see you off your ass and making real world, physical changes to your life. Pray for guidance, pray that you'll discover the way. But don't think it's not you that has to do the work. And if you don't do the work, there's no better proof that you have ZERO faith.

Freedom - you have none. You may have the amenities of modern life. But you're in complete bondage to your mind, your emotions, your parents, and to society. At least you see the chains and the prison bars. That's more than most can say. But don't fool yourself into thinking you're free. You're in a psychological and emotional control system created by your parents, first and foremost. And if you don't strike out on your own, and if you don't fix your "stinking thinking," you don't give a single shit about freedom.

Family - you're doing a serious disservice to your parents by letting them fuck with you. They aren't growing, they aren't being given the chance to confront the consequences of controlling you. And they'll really pay when they need help in their senior years and you're not remotely equipped to help them. "Sure, I'll cook you an egg." "Sure, I'll drive to the store to get your prescription, let me just drag your old broken body into the passenger seat, because I've never driven alone." You owe them to break the chains. They've done a lot of good for you, but they have their issues too. If you let them make you carry the weight of their sins instead of making them bear the weight of their own cross, then you don't give a shit about family, because they'll never find redemption.

Health - okay, you might be in good shape, good cardio, whatever. You're young. But your emotional, psychological, and spiritual health are in fucking shambles.

Get your shit together. You have enough advice tossed to you in this thread to solve all of your problems. And it's by people you have no business being able to approach, yet here they are, spending their precious time away from their work, friends, and family to help you, a complete stranger. These are complete bosses that make what you make every year every month.

And they think it's worth helping you. You need to respect them and yourself and fix these problems. You won't get better advice or better access than you already have.

I'm telling you this. If you don't take off your diaper and step up to the plate of manhood NOW, you might as well kiss it all goodbye. It's going to get harder and worse for you. Society has turned you into this pathetic creature, and once they've fucked you up enough, they will shun you completely. And your parents won't be there to pick up the slack, because they'll be disgusted too, and they'll blame you instead of themselves. It'll be a sick reality, and you need to run from that future with everything in your soul.
 
Joined
Dec 11, 2018
Messages
129
Likes
98
Degree
0
@Future State Man that's a KILLER post. I was about to write up something similar about the 4 values, but you said it better than I could have. Beautiful!

Edit: Also @DanielS for a more structured approach of getting off your ass, mindset, life goals, and whatnot - check out some of Tony Robbins' stuff. Awaken The Giant Within (book) and PPII Tapes (audio) are both good. You have to put in the work though and go through with his exercises.
 
Last edited:

Syrinj

BuSo Pro
Joined
Mar 31, 2017
Messages
17
Likes
34
Degree
0
All the participants in this thread have no idea as to how helpful this entire thread is to newbies. This whole ordeal should be stickied somewhere. Honestly, I identify with a lot in here.
 

eliquid

SERPWoo
Digital Strategist
Joined
Nov 26, 2014
Messages
653
Likes
1,581
Degree
3
I blame safe places.

No, I am not talking about the McDonald's stickers if you are in trouble and need a safe place to run to until the cops come.

I mean, the snowflake type. Go to college and don't hear things that might offend you.

I also mean the ones parents created for their kids. "Oh baby, you didn't get picked 4th for basketball pick up game today? Here, have a double whopper with cheese and a trophy and a new video game. You're a winner to me".

I also blame the kids. I mean, at sometime in life you just have to adult. Sure, the parents kinda did you wrong but at some point you're an adult and you just add 2+2 together on your own and take action. I know a 60+ year old still acting like a 14 year old.

When safe places are everywhere ( physically and mentally ), how the hell do we expect people to do anything in life?
 

darkzerothree

DunkelNullDrei
Joined
Feb 16, 2017
Messages
471
Likes
326
Degree
2
@eliquid
I also blame the kids. I mean, at sometime in life you just have to adult. Sure, the parents kinda did you wrong but at some point you're an adult and you just add 2+2 together on your own and take action. I know a 60+ year old still acting like a 14 year old.

When safe places are everywhere ( physically and mentally ), how the hell do we expect people to do anything in life?
Indeed.

But the safe places are now being built into society.
  • American Universities.... seriously? (Laughing in European)
  • And now ours are starting to copy that shit.... (Sobbing in European)
  • Republican conventions
  • Fox News
  • The LGBTQ+ community (all 37+ genders of it)
  • ...
The list goes on and on and on...!

Yes, I think you need to adult, too. But society doesn't.
The kind of man-babies running around in high positions is astonishing.

I have seen this in academia, but also in the toughest branches of the free market (finance).

And sometimes, they run the show more than the adults, because every adult comes running to console the baby whenever it starts to cry.

F this, seriously.