Not Fulfilled? Depressed? Maybe You Need An Alignment

eliquid

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Every 12 months or so, I take a look at my goals and I figure out if what I completed is in alignment with what I want in life.

But the big question is, what is it I want?

And what do I do when my want's change?

It's be proven that depression can come from doing work that doesn't align with your core values, whether you know your core values or not. If you are stuck doing things daily that really do not fit you, wouldn't you be depressed too?

In 2015, my core values were:
  • Individuality
  • Freedom
  • Trust
  • Simplicity
  • Activeness

These past few days I re-evaluated my core values and came up with:
  • Simplicity
  • Creativity
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Stability
  • Autonomy
Now these words all mean something different, to different people. That's OK. What they mean to you when you make out your list is all that matters. Sometimes, these values can mean different things at different times to the same person...

It took me a few days actively thinking about these values ( from multiple different lists I pulled up online ) and thinking about my past, current, and future life. What I ended up with fits me now. This is key because what you want and need can change every year.

So why is this important?

As builders and entrepreneurs, you are going to get distracted with new shiny projects and ideas. Maybe in the middle of building your empire you get offered a sweet cushy executive job.

Maybe it's as simple as you get the urge to move to another city.

If you know your core values, you can compare these new projects, job offers, urges to change against the core values and see if it really makes sense to do so.

For a personal example, I took my core values above and made a personal mission statement:

"To solve problems with simplicity, creativity, and entrepreneurship while creating a full and stable life that provides autonomy"

If something comes up, I ask myself if it aligns with my core values and mission statement.

An example of this might be:
  • Work on new shiny MFA project - Is it simple? Yes. Is it creative? No.
    • I found a no, so I should pass on this new shiny object
  • Got offered a cushy VP job at XYZ Inc - Is it simple? No
    • It also isn't entrepreneurial, so I need to pass on it
  • Found a new house I love, its $475,000 and I need a mortgage
    • It doesn't fit autonomy. I will feel obligated to pay my mortgage and do things to make sure it's paid like take a job or give up a trip I really wanted to go on maybe to pay the bills.
    • However, maybe I can find a creative and entrepreneurial way to still get this house, like live in for 6 months and AirBNB it the other 6 months of the year.
A lot of you might disagree with what I put above as examples.

You might say, a mortgage isn't a problem really. You need a house, its your dream house, its just one bill, it doesn't really impact your independence and freedom.

But this exercise is about how "I feel and I think". When you do yours, you use your feeling and wisdom that you live by. That's the whole idea of core values and how YOU personally understand them.

So if you had the same core values as me and made the same mission statement as me, it's no wonder you feel depressed and miserable working a J-O-B as the Director of some web agency. It's no wonder your miserable working on projects where none of your creativity shines through. It's no wonder your sick and worried all the time when you have no stability in your life bouncing from girlfriend to girlfriend while moving to a different city and changing jobs every 3 months ( if stability was one of your core values, as it is for me ).

Get the picture?

Knowing your core values is like knowing your goals.

Once you figure them out, you can make better decisions about what choices you make in life. Backing that up with a mission statement ( personal ) will further strengthen that.

BTW, your core values and mission statement can be different from the ones you pick for your business.

One last thing I do to further ensure I stay on track is to add in Priorities.

My priorities for 2015 where these:
  • Family
  • Charity & Faith
  • Building Net Worth
I haven't figured out my priorities yet for this year since I just changed my core values and mission statement for the next 12 months, but once I figure those out I will share here.

Since I know my core values, my mission statement, and my priorities I am never stuck trying to figure out, "what do I do?" when presented with a decision I need to make. I also know exactly how to define my goals for the year, month, week, and day because my goals are going to be reflections of my values, mission statement, and priorities.

For example, I'm not going to go through with, or make new goals, that have me trying to land a job with higher pay. That doesn't fit in anywhere. Im also not going to make goals that have a high % of violating any of my value and priorities in the future.

I'm not going to make goals that don't reflect my values, mission statement, and priorities. I'm also going to know what I always need to be doing without second thought since I make decisions based on these values, missions statement and priorities.

And because I'm doing things that align with me and my values, I'm going to be fulfilled and happy regardless if I hit the goals I make 100% or not.

This is why you have to be brutally honest with yourself in doing this exercise.

You may even need to be like me and figure out values, then rework them daily for the next week to get down to what really resonates with you and is honest with you. Then take a couple days to refine your mission statement and priorities to make sure they really are truly you.

Say I made one goal of making $100,000 in 12 months with Amazon Kindle and at the end of the year I miss it. I only made $45,000 instead.

Would I be sad for missing my goal? Maybe, but really only because I knew I could have done better and I really needed the extra money. However, I won't feel miserable or depressed because I was doing work and aligning my future with what resonated with me and fits me.

Working on Amazon Kindle projects more than likely would be:
  • Simple - It's not hard to write content
  • Creative - I can write about any topic and any when I pick one, any idea in that topic with a touch of flair
  • Entrepreneurial - I'm working for myself, no one tells me how to do it, sky is the limit income wise
  • Stable - Maybe not rich and wealthy, but once the ball is rolling it can be stable and recurring
  • Autonomy - I have freedom and independance and options working on these projects
So if I miss my goal, all is not lost.

Now think of yourself with the goal to make $100,000 and you're in a job. You have the same values, but the only way you can get more money is to convince your boss to give you a raise, or change jobs to another company. Even if you hit $100k at another company, you are not in alignment with your values and you will have this nagging and unfulfilled desire.

It's not hard to prove either.

Look at all the depressed and sad people in the world around you. Maybe they are family members, co-workers, friends, or just people you overhear at Qdoba eating lunch next to you.

You think those people are actively doing exercises like this? Or do you think they are reacting to their surroundings like lost sheep in the woods?


Do yourself a favor....
  1. Figure out your true, real core values. Spend several days on it
  2. Make a mission statement around them
  3. Figure out your top 3 priorities
  4. Erase your old goals and make new ones based on #1-3 above. Make sure every goal fits and doesn't violate a core value or priority.
  5. Once your goals are set, set smaller daily, weekly, and monthly goals to hit those larger goals. Make sure these smaller goals that set you up to your larger goals don't violate values or priorities.
  6. In 6 or 12 months, re-evaluate who you are and your values. Adapt if need be.

Honestly, if you would be so kind... I'd like to know what other people figure out as their core values below.

Maybe you could even post your mission statement and priorities.

Just curious.


 
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Great thoughts, @eliquid .

Out of curiosity, why did your core values change? Do you feel you attained the previous ones, or is it just a different mindset for a different time in your life?
 

eliquid

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Great thoughts, @eliquid .

Out of curiosity, why did your core values change? Do you feel you attained the previous ones, or is it just a different mindset for a different time in your life?
Couple of reasons, but I think it all goes back to growth.

I revisited this list in 2016 too, but at the time I could only find that 1 value needed to be changed. Instead of writing out new ones, I kept it "as is" and tried to make it work from 2015.

Now that we are in 2017, I felt like something was missing. I kept getting mixed signals internally. Something was nagging me and I felt that I needed to really hone in my values again.

This is why I say you need to really be honest with yourself. You need to spend days on this, you need to understand what these words really MEAN to you. You need to revisit when it feels like something isn't right.

At the time in 2015, I felt these values ( the 2015 version of the list ) really were me:
  • Simplicity - I spent years before trying to get things 100% perfect, even if it meant jumping into complex and long solutions. I've found less is more now and I prefer simple solutions and simple thinking. The simpler, the better. Sometimes the simplest router is better than that best route. Even in writing, simpler is better.
  • Individuality - I got this mixed up with creativity. I chose individuality in the end, but after 2.5 years, I've realized I can be myself if I am creative. And creativity overall is more important than just me being me. If I am creative overall, I will also have individuality.
  • Freedom - When I first chose this in 2015, I had an issue trying to pick this over Independance. After 2.5 years I realized neither of these words really fit me. Freedom and independence are such mixed words. I realized Autonomy is actually the simpler fit for me that touches on both freedom and independance.
  • Trust - I still respect trust very much. I want people to trust I will do the right things. However, I looked deep into this and asked myself why. I realized I don't really need the validation from others anymore and I know that people already trust me and that's good enough. I don't need more trust. I walk the talk and have integrity, so that is enough.
  • Activeness - I really hated this word. I didn't even like it back in 2015. However, with my limited knowledge in doing this exercise and going based on what I thought I knew, I picked it because I really hate being "lazy" not only physically, but mentally. This ultimately was just a bad pick honestly.

It's kinda like split testing ads. You write an ad and it does OK, but you find another ad that is similar does much better so you switch up and start using that one. You just learn as you go with what seems to fit based on the time, what you know, and what you can work with.

As a personal real life example, I used to think I was a boat person.

I went out and bought this really nice, brand new huge boat off the showroom floor. And why not? I loved the beach and water and thought this would be perfect for me and my family.

After 1 season I was hating it.
  • You have to put the cover off and on all the time, its a little bit of work.
  • You gotta remember to fill it with gas all the time. It needed special gas which was a non-reformulated type that I had to buy in certain areas of my city. It was a chore.
  • Watch out for huge rocks and tree stump in the water you might not see
  • Other boaters are damn right rude and dangerous at times. Constant safety hazards.
  • The seats and interior get mildew/mold that you constantly have to clean off.
  • Birds shit all over it all the time.
  • Birds will actually peck and tear the seats.
  • Water spiders get all over them and I hate spiders.
  • People walk up and down the docks and will steal shit off your boat if you keep it docked.
  • If you live anywhere where it gets cold in the winter, you have to winterize it or store it.
  • If you take it anywhere, you better know how to drive with it and back it into loading areas. Other boaters will heckle you and complain and yell at you if you can't back it into the water or take it out quickly.
  • The sun will ruin anything
  • Because it was new, I wanted to keep it looking good all the time, so I forbid people to eat and drink in it. This was a chronic headache and source of pain for my kids.
So I solved a lot of my issues buy selling the boat and buying another one that was a tad smaller & 15 years older, but still in really excellent shape.
  • I had a lot of the EXACT same issues as above actually.
After giving it a few shots, I realized I am a beach and water person.. I'm am just NOT a boat person. Renting one of the day or going on a friend's is SIMPLE and good enough for me now.

That's what happens with your values, mission statement, and priorities.

You can't know perfectly off the bat, even if you spend days working on it off and on. You just have to come up with the best you know right now and then later modify it as you learn more and experience more. And over time, you become more honest with yourself too I think.

When I look at my values today, it really fits me more. I might end up changing them again later in 2018 or 2019, but that's also OK. You mature and so do your goals along with other things in life.

Even my mission statement changed from 2015 to now, though very slightly.
  • 2015 version - Positively impacting others by helping solve problems with simplicity, creativity, and integrity while living life as full as possible
  • 2017 version - To solve problems with simplicity, creativity, and entrepreneurship while creating a full and stable life that provides autonomy
Very very similar, but the choice of words makes all the difference and those words are my values.

Do I want to positively impact others today? Sure. But if I am solving real problems for them, I already am doing that, right?

I still want to live a full live today as I did in 2015, but I really want to focus on stability and knowing that each day is planned and not changing up and down like a rollercoaster. While I can't predict the future or change the weather, I can plan as much as possible to help keep a lot of it stable.

But you can see from the 2015 version, I didn't have individuality in the mission statement, even though it was a core value in 2015. Same with truth and activeness. This is because I was already at that time intermingling "creativity & individuality". Same with "truth & integrity" and "activeness & living a full life".

Really, these terms shouldn't intermix and after growing, learning, and rethinking things, I wanted to really hone in deeper and be more reflective of the true me. I could only know that after running with these for a few years to know they needed to be changed.

I also found myself in a lot of activities where there was no monetary gain or path to revenue. Another issue was cutting myself at the knees in projects where maybe my income was limited or had a ceiling.

While I love to help people ( strangers ) in a jam, give advice on forums, lend a hand to friends online with their projects, and entertain unique and exciting offers, a lot of the time could have been spent on activities making me more money.

This is in NO way a bash against helping newbies or helping friends stuck in their own projects looking for some help and guidance. It's also not a bash against family who come to me for help and want to get into this "online thing" to make money. However, at some point I had to hone in that everyone wants help for free if they can get it and if people really were serious, they wouldn't mind to pay me for that help. In the end, it helps them as much as it rewards me and actually makes most people stick to that project when the deal is done since they have some skin in the game now.

I only have 24 hours in the day and I'm growing older. I have to focus on my priorities as well and any time away from that is a disservice to future me and my family. If people are serious, they have to sacrifice something in return and most times that comes down to a payment.

Some words were just bad picks, some I already confused and intermingled from the get go and it took me growing to learn what I really wanted. Some just had to be there to make sure Im on the right track for my future.
 
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animalstyle

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@eliquid Thanks very much for sharing your process here and challenging others to do the same. This year has been a tough one for me, and I know this exercise will really help.

I did some brainstorming today and made a rough draft of words and a written sentence for my personal and business lives. I know I need to work on my patience so I am going to let them settle and revisit them daily for a while until I can really feel the words I chose.

I'd say my biggest challenge is being self aware of when my actions are out of wack with my values. I usually slowly slip into an unhappy place very gradually. I often can't tell that its happening until it gets pretty bad. Many times I end up having a breakdown or meltdown before making a change.

I feel manic sometimes, high highs, and low lows. One of my needs is to attain a more level mental state.

Do you have any advice to stay on top of the balance between your actions and values? Any advice to increase awareness and turn things around without hitting such lows first?
 
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eliquid

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@eliquid Thanks very much for sharing your process here and challenging others to do the same. This year has been a tough one for me, and I know this exercise will really help.

I did some brainstorming today and made a rough draft of words and a written sentence for my personal and business lives. I know I need to work on my patience so I am going to let them settle and revisit them daily for a while until I can really feel the words I chose.

I'd say my biggest challenge is being self aware of when my actions are out of wack with my values. I usually slowly slip into an unhappy place very gradually. I often can't tell that its happening until it gets pretty bad. Many times I end up having a breakdown or meltdown before making a change.

I feel manic sometimes, high highs, and low lows. One of my needs is to attain a more level mental state.

Do you have any advice to stay on top of the balance between your actions and values? Any advice to increase awareness and turn things around without hitting such lows first?
It's going to be like any serious goal, you will have to actively partake in it daily.

I'll share another personal example.

I was trying to lose weight. I'd tell myself I would start in the morning ( or next Monday, etc ) and then morning would come and I would wake up and pop a doughnut in my mouth and eat half of it and it would hit me, "I was suppose to diet today!".

You just don't think about it and it happens, then it's too late ( kinda ).

To battle this, I had to be active in my goal. Meaning before I went to bed I had to:
  • Tell myself not to forget in the morning over and over before I went to bed
  • Print out a sheet of paper with my goal on it and place it in the bathroom and kitchen
  • Have my wife get involved to watch me and remind me
  • Set an alarm on my phone to remind me during the day every few hours
  • Prepare meals for the day before ahead of time so I wouldn't just wander off
I did all this not because I'm some addict who had no self control. I did this because I couldn't remember or start in the morning. My old habits were just too powerful and I would forget.

After some time, the new habit sunk in and things went great.

This is why these core values really have to reflect you and be honest. You won't get it right the first time, but write them down and then after a few months you can do it again once you have some time under your belt. You're going to make it a habit and the habit can not start off as a bad one ( with bad core values ).

Once you do this:
  • Print it out and hang it on your wall.
  • Make it be your computer/laptop background.
  • Make it be your cell phone wallpaper.
  • Have something send it to you as a daily email or SMS text message during the day

Sound like I'm going to far? Why not? This is your life we are talking about here.. you gotta get serious and take action. Nothing is going to far when it concerns your goals and life.

Once you tell yourself this is who you are and what you do over and over until it's a habit, your body and mind will want to stay congruent and act as such. It will become easier over time and be natural.

You will subconsciously gravitate towards that and it won't be work anymore where you slip into lows. That is, unless you change over time and your values change along with it.

But when you start to feel that slip, that's a signal something needs to change and that's when you look at your core values, mission statement, and priorities ( don't forget those ) and ask yourself do any of these need to change? If not, that's when you look at your activities and ask if they are aligned with them too. If not, find a way to dump them right then and there and make new goals around your values, mission statement, and priorities.

Once you start living your values and working on projects aligned with them and your priorities, you will be a natural at it.. just like any habit. As things come along and you need to make a choice/action, if it's not a "Hell Yes" coming out of your mouth, then just don't do it.

This is important for 2 reasons:
  • Why would you want to work on "uhm, I guess so" projects or choices in your life anyways?
  • When you are living your values and your mind gets into the habit, it will try to stick to that way of life. It will want to say "Hell Yes" to those that fit your values and priorities to stay congruent and reject those that are not aligned as much as possible. Those "Hell Yes" choices will become gut feelings trying to be aligned with your values.
Once these values and mission statements and priorities are solid, you make your goals based on them.

Since you are only working on goals/tasks/taking actions that are in alignment, there should be no lows unless you violate them.

So when you start on projects and tasks, you set your goals based on them. If your goals violate your values or priorities, you ditch them.

One of my priorities was "Building Net Worth" - I should be focusing on that, along with Family and Charity.

Posting aimlessly on BuSo ( no offense ) would be a violation of that to help strangers for free.
  • Takes time from family.
  • Could be considered Charity in a sense, but it's the not the type I was after actually.
  • If I am posting aimlessly, it in no way helps build my net worth.
Strangely, it does fit into my mission statement from 2015 though:
Positively impacting others by helping solve problems with simplicity, creativity, and integrity while living life as full as possible

This is where you need priorities and other checks and balances in play.

If I went off my old values and mission statement, posting here on BuSo would make me feel good, right?

When you add in priorities, you realize actions that fit into values now violate your priorities and you can reset yourself and make new plans.

Also posting on BuSo aimlessly would violate my new values such as Entrepreneurship.

When you realize this about yourself and your actions, you start making plans to fix that.

I try not to post short and stupid comments on BuSo. It happens, but I try not to as they serve no purpose here or to me in my goals.

But writing out lengthy, helpful posts like this, or the day 13 course in the crash course? It's for a purpose so it's not aimlessly. It helps strengthen me as an authority, which in turns helps in my other goals I have in the long run.

So if you are doing this right @animalstyle, with the right values too, and you are doing all of it.. you shouldn't really get into the lows. However, it takes daily practice to ensure that. The only reason you should hit lows once this is put into place is if you:
  • Picked the wrong values
  • Picked the wrong priorities
  • Didn't practice alignment of your tasks and goals with your values daily
  • Grown mentally into a new set of values and your old ones are hurting you now
And listen, this isn't some moral high ground exercise either.

If you're a greedy bastard that only cares about money... write that shit down bro. It's who you are, so embrace it. Putting down anything else will just cause you misery and lows. Be true to thy self.

And at some point you need to focus on your strengths, not your weakness.

So if you suck at patience, I'd tell you not to make it better. I mean, unless it's causing a severe problem in your life to where it's destructive.

If not, forget about it and spend time increasing and playing to your strengths.

When you spend time on your weakness, it will be a long road that will introduce lows and misery at the times you fail.

Im sure you know this image well of an entrepreneur's journey



Well, that's you trying to improve your weakness too.

If you are trying to overcome depression and lows, don't you think this will help introduce more of that working on your weakness to make them successes?

When you work on your strengths, you are already good at them so it's a more straight line to success and you end up being more powerful.

Once you get to level of stability though, that's when I say you should revisit your weaknesses and work on them. But don't do it before.
 

eliquid

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That's good.

Who else is gonna step up?
 

darkzerothree

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Wow... a tall order, open for questions on these

Health
Stay healthy and in shape. This is one of the fundamentals.
Courage
Stand in defence of what is right.
Integrity
To be accountable to my word, mending asap if I fall short.
Knowledge
Gain knowledge and use it for good, private and otherwise. To learn and improve, to teach.
Creativity
Letting the spark of creation flow into my life, pursuing it every day. Coding, art, etc...
Independence
Independent thought as well as financial independence.
 

animalstyle

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Values

Gratitude
Patience
Abundance
Confidence
Self Improvement

Mission Statement

To envision and patiently execute on my idea of an asset of high value for others to in turn attract abundance. All the while while improving my personal skills and confidence.

Priorities

Emotional Stability
  • To disconnect my emotions from business actions and decisions and increase my emotional involvement in personal and relationships.
Reduction
  • To strive for simplistic solutions and approaches. Question and resist carrying new weight and adding more complexities. Focus and double down on whats working. Constantly clean unneeded weight that becomes a burden.
Focus & Clarity
  • Reduce fragmentation, especially splitting attention. To work on one thing at a time from start to finish. Resist distraction.
Drive & Growth
  • Continue to push forward and grow while appreciating the current moment at each step. Knowing that the fruits ahead are worth the current labor.
Self Observation
  • To increase sensitivity to the feedback that I receive from others, my emotions, and my physical responses. Improve my ability to listen to this feedback to correct course earlier and more regularly.
I'd love some feedback if you have any. Did I categorize values and priorities correctly?
 

eliquid

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@Frequencies , @animalstyle , @darkzerothree

These all look good. Remember, these are what fit you as you understand them now, so there really isn't a "wrong" answer unless you were not true or honest with yourself.

One thing I would ask you to do to make sure of this:

1. Keep going over them daily. No not to remind yourself, but to make sure you picked the right ones. Spend 15 minutes a day each day for about a week to make sure. After that, stop unless you are aligning your tasks with your values, mission statement and priorities.

2. For everything you picked ( every single thing ), ask yourself, "Why?".

For the WHY exercise, ask yourself WHY you picked that. Then for each answer, ask WHY 4 more times if you can. This will lead you to your true WHY more than likely.

An example based on @animalstyle and me pretending to be him:

  • Values
    • Patience
      • Why do I need to patience? "Because I have a short fuse".
      • Why do I have a short fuse? "Because I get frustrated when things don't go my way"
      • Why don't they go your way? "Because I lack the skills to get to the next level"
      • Why do you lack skills? "I'm not proactive in learning and don't have time to learn"
      • Why do you not have time? "I'm too busy working a job and binge watching shows on Netflix at night with my GF"
Now, that's just me pretending so you get the idea. IDK why any of @animalstyle 's issues to fix them, only he knows that.

But now we know the real root and we can look at how to improve Patience. And the way to improve it is to ( in this play example ) MAYBE schedule it daily for 30 minutes in the morning and also cut the cord to the NetFlix or cable after work to fit this in.

Follow this exercise for the rest of the items like Mission Statement and Priorities.

Sometimes asking why leads you to a revelation and you realize that actually you need to change what you thought was a value or priority too. I did this and changed several of mine ( not the newest ones, the old ones from 2015 ).

Once you really understand WHY:
  • You can hone your values and mission statement and priorities and make sure they really fit you
  • You can craft a better mission statement that has purpose, which will keep you motivated
  • You find out your top priorities better and narrow in on them
And you will find a central theme ( or 3 ) to your WHY's. Those themes will be help you become motivated which is generally something lacking in depressed or non-fulfilled people.

And don't lie to yourself. Many people say they have goals and motivation, but they are shallow and they haven't done this exercise properly to align those with who they actually are, which is why they fail.

Try this out ( asking WHY ) for a few days as you look over things. Maybe it jumps right out you.. maybe your brain needs to adjust itself and bring you the answers over a few days while it resets and hunts subconsciously for the answer before popping it to you in the shower one day next week.

For some of you, what I'm about to post next ( might be a few days ) is really going to freak you out and possibly change your life. Wait for it....

While we wait, who else is going to step to the plate and post theirs?

Don't be shy now....
 
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Ryuzaki

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This is such a doozy I've had to avoid it, but it's so monumentally important that I can't put it off any longer.

I've talked alot in the Garden section about our "Why's." Why do we do what we do. Do we have authentic enough Why's that give us the fire to see it through regardless?

Getting to the bottom of this is incredible, because it means you will give it your all. Yeah, you'll mess up. You'll have missteps, but at the end of the day, when you're exhaling your last breath on your death bed, you can be at peace. Because you gave it your all.

Obviously that's not the goal, it's the means to get to the goal, which is winning at what we are attempting. But behind even the means is the Why's. And that's what eliquid is asking us to be honest about. The man is a beast and is someone I've looked up to since the day I stepped foot in this online arena, so I have to do as he says. He developed methods that some of us use daily that he's too humble (and too smart regarding some of them) to bring up. When the man talks, I listen. So here I go, following the format animalstyle laid out:


Values
  • Authenticity
  • Autonomy
  • Freedom for myself
  • Freedom for my crew
  • Persistence
Before I move forward I want to talk about these.

Authenticity
means that I'm being 100% genuine at all times. I don't front, I don't fake, I don't bullshit. Naturally, I feel pretty alone in that regard. I hold steadfast in my convictions, which are no holds barred. I can discern what's right and wrong and so can others, and I hate to see people waffle about on these topics in order to save face, hedge their bets, and being complete pussies in order to placate to people they don't even know. Give me a fucking break. How do people even sleep at night like that?

Autonomy means that I never let another man tell me when I can _____ in front of my son.


I think back to grade school. Can you believe some other human could deny us the universal right to take a piss? They're real lucky I can't time travel, because I'd plant myself back into high school and raise hell. And I'm damn sure not going to let someone tell me when I can take lunch, when I can take a break, when I can eat, sleep, or shit, as a grown adult. If anyone attempted to do that to me today, I'd punch them dead in the face. What a travesty that 95% of people on this planet are okay with that. Autonomy means I rule my own universe as far as my human frame and influence allows.

Freedom for myself relates directly to autonomy but beyond that. Autonomy covers other people's control over me. But freedom goes into me being able to walk away from work and doing things I'm not interested in at the moment without consequence. Right now, if I say "fuck it" for a day, it means nothing. I can walk away for a month or three even. But I'm not "done" in the way I want to be done. I need full financial independence to where nothing matters ever again beyond the uncontrollables. Freedom for my crew means I can provide that for my friends and family if they've earned it. If I watched them try hard and fail, they're in. If they scoffed at the rest of us and did the bare minimum to skirt by, they can suck a fat one.

Persistence relates to "trying hard." I know what I'm capable of. I've hit ground zero where I'm at zero cashflow and owe money out three times in my adult entrepreneurial life. That is when you find out what you're capable of. And that's how I need to be operating every day until I cash out. I owe that much to myself, so if something goes awry and it doesn't pan out, then I'm giving up the ghost satisfied with my efforts. No Ragertz.


Mission Statement

This will essentially be a concise restatement of the above.

To live my life in a manner that is derived from my own being, with no internal or external influence from others, in which through my most determined efforts, I provide every freedom allowed in the human condition first to myself, then my inner circle, then my community, and then the world at large.

Priorities

Clarity - My entire life is and always will be organized around perceiving things clearly so I can act as wisely as possible. In a very Buddhist fashion (the most sophisticated of the schools of psychology yet), people have no clue how many layers they run through before they have a perception, which renders them ridiculously inaccurate. I'm trying to strip those layers away constantly. The way this relates to business should be obvious, largely with Focus.

Focus - In this life of infinite choices, I'm trying to use Clarity to Focus on the one. By choosing one thing we are denying the plethora, which is a heavy responsibility but one we as winners can't avoid. Yeah, I'd like to master everything on the planet but I'm only human after all, so I have to choose. But I also have to choose what to narrow my attention on even within my point of mastery. This requires a lot of saying 'no' and when I say 'yes' it must tie back into the main goal of my main project.

Progress - I went through the whole hippy dippy thing of "why can't people just be content?" I'm content not being content. I'm born to be goal oriented (and learning to be process oriented instead). But it's fairly obvious this universe is entirely about micro- and macro- evolution, level jumping to new states of being and awareness. I'm trying to do that, always seeking the next mind-blow and next tier of reality to join permanently. This ties into Clarity and implies a perpetual state of moving forward, even if that requires hanging out at a certain plateau for a while (which is how growth tends to occur, for me at least). Basically, I want to see that I'm moving closer to my core values constantly and enjoying them more thoroughly.


That's it. I hope this can help others think things through and get a better idea of who I am and why I do what I do.
 

eliquid

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This is excellent @Ryuzaki

And it's important to realize, what the words mean to you might be different than to others or even their well-known text book meaning.

We are all working with what we have right now, meaning what we understand about ourselves and the world, our current intelligence, our beliefs at this moment, etc.

For example, autonomy to me personally wraps up independance and freedom and a few other things. For @Ryuzaki he breaks it down a bit more to be more specific.

Even though we are both right personally, what the word means is slightly different to both.

Most of you might be saying so what?

It's important because deep down in your brain, your brain will try to align with who you are. Who you are included your positives and negatives, strengths and weakness, etc. So if you agree with someone ( or yourself ) that you are the type of person that cares for the planet, your brain will try to make you act in a way that aligns with that later on in the day when you just happen to take a shorter shower than normal that night.

Telling yourself you desire autonomy, will have your brain trying to act in that way now going forward in small ways to lead you to that.

What you think autonomy is though, to you personally at this moment in time, is what your brain is going to use to move you in that direction. Only you understand what it means to you.

You don't even know it's happening.

So what you think the meaning of the word is, is all that matters in the end because it comes down to how your brain works.

Once you understand these words personally, your brain will try to align itself to what you want with those words.

That's why I stress this exercise might take days or weeks to do correctly. I'm not saying you should spend your whole day on it, but maybe 20 min a day every other day for 2 weeks. Or however you operate personally.

I had things wrote down and thought they were solid, but after thinking about it for a couple of days subconsciously, it hit me they were wrong. I asked myself WHY multiple times and I got clarity. Rinse and repeat a few more times and you end up with what is really you.

Next steps -

So yeah, this is another involved exercise....

Taking a personality test, like the Brigs Myers. You can do it for free over at -> https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test
  • I took it multiple times because sometimes I would get INTJ, sometimes I would get INFJ
  • After taking it every other day for about 2 weeks, I got INTJ 95% of the time
    • I was happy with this statistical relevance
  • I looked up what it meant to be an INTJ -T specifically at several online sites. You can't just learn everything from 1 site, so I spent time researching many sites and forums about INTJs and INTJ -T's if I could find it
  • Everything matched me perfectly, it was crazy wild wicked awesome to learn

So why did I do this?


It helped me understand my weakness and strengths. It also showed me what INTJ's value.

Crazy enough, the values the sites broke down for INTJ's were almost 95% spot on with what I picked before I ever did this exercise. How's that for validating honesty?

After learning this, I asked myself some more WHY's and tweaked some of my values a bit.

Sounds like a lot of work, but seriously this impacts your life and goals.

Instead of spending time dicking around on FB or making another useless Adsense site, you could be doing this exercise and learning about your true you so you can 10x your life and goals.

I had my wife do the test too, and I learned so much about how to really interact with her and communicate. How to show her love she understands. How to parent my kids even and why she does the things she does... same for me. I learned what makes her tick and how to use that with my personality type.

Now start thinking about this....

This has a real business purpose as well.

I'm not saying you can make employees or customers take this test, but what if you took it and found about all about you, and then read the other 15 personalities and learned what made them tick? How could that 10x your business?

As a sales person, you could learn the types and then when in the real world, analyse someone on the spot and assume they are a certain type rather quickly based on some insights.

Personal Example:
  • I'm an INTJ -T. I know everything about this now. Even the type of careers that these people fit into
    • It said INTJs would be good at web design, online marketing, database analysts, computer systems programmer, attorneys, judges, architects, personal finance planners, stock brokers, non-fiction writers ( and lots more ), and self employed business owner.
    • Is it odd that I personally have either actually done these in a job, went to college to study them, or had a keen deep personal interest in them before I ever took this test?
    1. Im an online marketer
    2. I went to college to be an architect
    3. I did web design and programming
    4. I was going to start a personal finance business ( think edward jones )
    5. I traded stock and forex
    6. I'm writing non-fiction
    7. I'm self employed ( it also said INTJ self employed tend to make more when self employed than in a JOB, which was true for me ).
    8. I always thought I would like to have been a lawyer or judge
  • I look at my wife's test and learn about careers and they fit her too before she knew about this test
    • It said they tend to Teachers, Stay at home mom's, and healthcare workers
    1. My wife was a nurse before she decided to stay at home and homeschool our children

Wow

So now that I know what she and I value, what careers we would work in, our deep fears ( from the test above ) and what we desire ( also from the test above )...

What stops me from going to Facebook and targeting all the Lawyers in my local area with an ad for online marketing services?

What about hitting up all those nurses with a T-Spring shirt?

The end product doesn't matter, but now I can write an ad or long sales form ( or short ) that really hits their nerves. Their pain points. Their values. Their desires. Their fears

I can speak their language

Now I must admit something to you, I haven't told you EVERYTHING.

I also took an Enneagram test. Which is similar to personality tests ( where I got the INTJ -t result ). I took mine here -> https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/

My result came back as 5w4 sx

A type 5 ( the 5 in 5w4 sx ) is a perfect fit for INTJs. I'm starting to see I did all this honestly ( and correctly ) since everything is matching up to other tests now. Yes, I took this test multiple times over a few days to ensure it was me

But read this page about me -> https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-5/

It tells me my fears and desires, which are spot on.

This goes so much deeper than the values test I had you do, or the personality test I had you do. It mimics some of the same stuff, but really drills down a bit more.

When I take all this info in and look back on my values now, which help me shape my goals and priorities, I can start to figure out where I want to take my life and WHY I want to take it there.

I know my WHY, but I can start to figure out other people's WHYs now too.

Ultimately, I would like to use this to interact with my wife and kids better.

Deep down inside, I know I am going to use this for marketing and to talk to my customers better.


OK OK OK

So I know a lot of you really think this might be some BS and it touches on feelings and emotions. Your saying this is some crazy ass shit and that everyone has these fears and desires and that if you look hard enough, you will find any info you want to support any topic. You may also be thinking, "well I know who I am already and don't need this".

Trust me, I also thought this. That's why at 39 I am just now really learning about myself.

And this isn't to make me into some tree huggin hippie crystal waving lunatic ( sorry if you are one, I don't mean to offend ).

See, some of these things I *kinda* knew about me. Some of these things I wasn't sure about but knew I leaned to.

What really helped me was, I finally got validation that who am I isn't some strange socially awkward recluse that has a huge ego who needs fixing because the world tried to tell me to conform to their standard.

No, I learned who I am is natural and recognized. I don't have to second guess who I am and what I do. It's ok to not be an extrovert. It's ok that I spend a lot of time reading alone instead of going to parties and drinking and making aimless small talk. My fear of being useless is perfectly valid and I'm not just this depressed person always thinking about. In fact, I'm not depressed at all.. its just a natural fear.

I'm sure you can read into all this and see I had some self-doubt and some self-confidence issues. Mostly because I didn't know or understand myself. I didn't know INTJ was even a thing. I just let the world tell me who I should be. And even though I always rejected the world, I always had this small part of me that kept telling myself, "what if their right?".

Now that is gone.

Not only is that a burden off my shoulders, but I can focus on my strengths now instead of looking back in a small way. Because now I know my strengths, it isn't a guess anymore or some random introspection that I thought I might be good at because I felt it instead of knowing it.

In the end...
  • I recharge when alone, this is very important and I didn't understand this before. Before I felt guilty not spending time with the wife and kids. While this isn't an excuse to not give them attention, I understand I have to have alone time or else I can't function which removes a lot of that guilt
  • I know what makes me tick, therefor I know what makes others like me tick. I can use this for business gains
  • I know how to interact with my wife and what her needs and desires are a lot better
  • I have a deep sense of my real core values. I also deeply understand WHY I truly do have them
  • I know my weakness. Although I look to improve my strengths more, I know that my personality type naturally puts off health and can get really deep into depression. It isn't just me being lazy or mental. I have to put in efforts to combat this
  • I know my strengths. I use to think being a perfectionist was a weakness. 0-80% is generally better than the 80-95%. However, I know why I am a perfectionist and I see it as a strength now. What I learned from this exercise was HOW TO CONTROL IT so it doesn't overwhelm me.
  • I validated who I am and who I tend to be. This is burden lifted off of me mentally.
  • I know what careers ( and to some extent what business I could open ) that actually fit me. I also know what to stay away from.
  • I can only focus on 1 thing at a time. While we all know multi-tasking is a lie now, focusing on 1 thing is critical for the INTJ. I have to remove distractions more than others.
  • It takes me longer to go to sleep. I have to prepare for this so I get the proper rest because my mind never stops
  • I know why I have 1000 ideas a day, but hardly any execution. Now I can rework how to overcome this.
  • A lot more shit that would take too long to post here.

Am I happier of fulfilled yet?

I can say honestly I am a bit.

While this is still all new to me and I am making plans based on it, I know I am happier for it.

Now I am working on the fulfilled part and I have a "game plan" and understanding to make it happen which puts me ahead of most of the world.

Im living out who I really am and what I really want. I wouldn't have fully known or understood this without doing these exercises.

The real question is, when are you going to start?

.
 
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eliquid

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I know some of you feel like if you do these exercises, it's a lot of work.

It's suppose to be.

You can't take one test/exercise and assume you have all the data. You can't just take the Enneagram test and think you found a shortcut and decide to not do the other tests. Hell, for someone like me I have to take each test multiple times to ensure I am getting the right data.

With that said, I present to you another exercise ( although this is optional, but I feel helpful ). Of note, this exercise costs money ( 2x ).

Strengths Finder 2.0 Book -> Amazon

You don't need to read the book or buy it, but I bought it and read it. My book came with a special code that I can use to take the Strengths Finder test for free.

IF you don't buy that book, you need to purchase the test.

Either way, you give up money to take the test in some fashion.

The test is here -> https://www.gallupstrengthscenter.com/Purchase/en-US/Product

Personally, I bought the more expensive test.

They also offer a Builder Profile test, which is slightly different and more aimed to Entrepreneurs. I would not advise taking only this test as a shortcut. Both test offer AND do something different for you. The link to this test is -> https://www.gallupstrengthscenter.com/EP10/en-US/About



My Builder Profile looks like this:
https://msnpro1.gallup.com//report-generator/bp10/1.0/en-US?report=f9a14a4a5e26f3e4bdd53f7d2a293d4b92d4419e7ce5fad721fd3c52b18db1e3

The top 4 are the most important out of the 10, and I have to say it fits me like a glove when it comes to business and being an entrepreneur.

While being in business means you may have to wear different hats to get things started and rolling, it's good to also know what you are naturally talented at so you can one day hone in on just these core strengths and insert other people into your business to handle the rest ( things you are not good at ).



I'm not able to post here the larger and more in-depth StrengthFinder test ( https://www.gallupstrengthscenter.com/Purchase/en-US/Product ) because for one there is no public URL and as a PDF, it's pretty big and comes in 5-6 PDF files that are 4-5 pages long each, but I will just let you know it really is a gem to have and very accurate ( for me at least ).

There is some overlap with the other tests here, but this is more focused on strengths and not personality or WHYs. While you can more than likely derive your own strengths by taking the other free tests in this thread, I wanted to take this test myself and see the results.. which I didn't mind paying for.


In the end, this has been a monster thread for me to post because of the research, testing, and sharing I had to do to bring it to you.

While I know a lot of you will read and do these test on your own without posting here, I am concerned for those of you that skim the thread, close it down, and do no action.

Don't pass up this exercise.

You might take all the tests and come out with the idea of, "I already knew all of this" or "I don't agree with the results". However, I think if you do these exercises HONESTLY and several times, everyone will walk away with new insight about themselves and, if you think about it deeply, insight into others that can be used as business gains later in your life.
 

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This is a very interesting topic @eliquid, thanks for all your work on this thread.

These are what I consider the most important values right now:

Simplicity:
I've realized that I tend to be too perfectionistic with details that really don't matter at all. I think that many times the simplest solution is the most effective. Likewise, I tend to avoid complications in life, so I think that simplicity is one of my core values.

Stability: I'm a person who tries to maintain stability at all times, both in online business and in life itself. In this regard, I think I could be a little afraid of the big changes...

Freedom: If I got into the online business world it was largely to get the income that would give me the freedom to do whatever I want at any given time. I hate attachments and obligations.

Independence: I don' like to depend on other people, you could even say that I'm a lonely person in that regard. I may not be an ideal person to work on a team, I usually prefer to go on my own.


Taking a personality test, like the Brigs Myers. You can do it for free over at -> https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test
I've done the test twice and in both the result is "INTP-T". I think that virtually everything that's said about the INTP-T matches with me. Impressive.
 

eliquid

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I've done the test twice and in both the result is "INTP-T". I think that virtually everything that's said about the INTP-T matches with me. Impressive.
Yeah, I was also pretty set back once I read the results.

Even moreso when I researched other sites and platforms about INTJ's that offered more insight.

You kinda know these things inside, but its good to see the validation and reinforcement sometimes so you can up your game based on it.
 

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I have also taken the strengths finder test a few years ago and found it to be very accurate too.

Here are my 5 key "Strengths" plus the short description you get in the PDF for each one.
  • Adaptability - People who are especially talented in the Adaptability theme prefer to “go with the flow.” They tend to be “now” people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time.
  • Restorative - People who are especially talented in the Restorative theme are adept at dealing with problems. They are good at figuring out what is wrong and resolving it.
  • Developer - People who are especially talented in the Developer theme recognize and cultivate the potential in others. They spot the signs of each small improvement and derive satisfaction from these improvements
  • Empathy - People who are especially talented in the Empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others’ lives or others’ situations.
  • Responsibility - People who are especially talented in the Responsibility theme take psychological ownership of what they say they will do. They are committed to stable values such as honesty and loyalty.
I definitely fit with Adaptability and am a "go with the flow" or "take the path of least resistance" type of person. I find it hard to set goals or project forward too far. I work in IT support, so dealing with things on the fly as they happen is key. Whilst this can be a good skill to have, as it allows me to be quite a chilled and relaxed person, the fact that my mind is not working on my future personal/financial goals worries me and causes me lots of stress.

Restorative also fits with my career in IT support. I like fixing things for people and getting things working, or solving peoples problems. I often jump straight to this "mode" rather than working through things. I like to think I am quite pragmatic about things and just want to get on and deal with it, rather than wallow in the emotion of the situation.

Developer was a bit of an odd one for me, but I saw it as part of the Restorative theme, training or helping to get people to their end goal and resolve that issue. I do have an unfulfilled need inside me to inspire others but I have not identified the right idea/thing/person yet - but it is there. I would love to do something like be able to inspire teenagers.

Empathy also fits in well with Restorative, being able to see how other people feel or understand their feelings and problems - not thinking of myself much or putting myself last all the time. What other people need comes before what I need - sometimes in a martyr like way too though, so I need to try to keep that in check. The wife needs me to go out at midnight to buy her some supplies for her work tomorrow? Sure thing.. I don't want to let anyone down.

Responsibility is also one of my big things (see the midnight shopping trip example above), but it is more that I take on the responsibility for too much and don't want to pass it on to others. However, I am also that schmuck who, when everyone else who works from home sits on the sofa from 4pm onwards waiting for an email to come in or the phone to ring, I am still sitting at my laptop trying to find work to do, even if it is not there. I don't see this strength as fitting with values such as honesty or loyalty though, as I am a good liar and not that honest at times :smile:

I would recommend others to take the strengths finder test (don't buy the book though - just buy a pass for the test from the Gallup website). If you are not able to create a list of values or a mission statement (I can't do it very well because of my Adaptability strength :smile: ) then this test might reveal which skills/strengths/things you can focus on and remind yourself of if you are looking at new opportunities or ideas.
 

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I took the personality test twice and both came back:
https://www.16personalities.com/istj-personality

Being a prime subject for your thread here (not enjoying the direction I am heading, mental breakdowns, depressed), I did some digging that I felt helped yesterday. When looking at the direction I am heading, these are my priorities as they relate to work - which is the area of my life that is creating unhappiness - my home life and family are amazing.

Things I value, in order of importance:

Structure
  1. Work for myself.
  2. Work for people I respect and care for.
  3. Work for people who pay well.
Money
  1. Do work that has the potential to earn me a comfortable living.
  2. Do work that has potential to scale to high numbers (millions, i dont care about billions) based on my effort.
  3. Do work that will earn me a fortune regardless of the cost.
Interest
  1. Do something I wake up ecstatic to work on each day.
  2. Do something I like doing.
  3. Do something I can tolerate.

Currently I check off 1&2 in structure, 1&2 in money, and fall below a 3 in the interest category - more like 4 or 5 as I am falling into a deep depression doing what I am.

Also I have my 'I'd rather be burned alive' list which includes one item:
  • I will not ride the clock for anyone.
Understanding these things, I am trying to correct course, but struggling. I always loved computers, if left alone, I will sit and use the computer. Building websites, video games, photoshopping funny pictures etc. Secondly, I have always had a thing for music. I am not great, i don't consider myself an artist. I find tons of joy in music and playing music, its always been my 'dream'.

The big piece of the puzzle that I can't figure out is if it's the medium or the subject matter that puts my interest category so off. Am I sick of writing content and creating websites only to earn money? Have I lost sight of creating value and using it as a medium? Do I just hate the niche and subject? Does this project have me jaded, whats going on?

I feel today like I want to quit internet marketing for good, but honestly I can't tell you why - what part of it is the issue or if all of it is. I feel if I make any rash decisions, I'll throw the baby out with the bathwater.

All I can say is that I am just coming to a full stop and not making any moves until I am in a better headspace. Even then though, knowing what I know, @eliquid do you have any advice for how to ultimately make the decision and self correct? It seems that the answer has to come from within, but in this state all I am looking for is external validation - which I realize can't be good.
 

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@animalstyle

1. Before I answer, do you feel that you honestly ( deep down to your core ) answered and did the test 110% how you actually feel with honest answers. I'm not judging, but helping push you along and making sure you are good.

2. Are the values you posted who you truly are, or what you strive to be ( meaning you aren't this now, but feel you need to be )? The correct answer is it should be you and not who you strive to be. Who you strive or what you want is a goal, not a value. Just wanted to clarify to make sure ( to help others reading this ).

3. I hate to ask this, but sometimes its a stumbling block for people... Are you making a good living in Internet marketing working for yourself? Of note, I am not asking how much you make or if you are broke, but I'm asking a core question about if you are not making good money in IM, maybe you are projecting that to the "IM" discomfort.

Example: When Im making good money in a project, not matter what it is, I love it. When Im not, Im miserable and blame the project. Could this be you? Be honest with yourself on this. If you were making $300k a year in IM, would you feel different? Get to the core here. If you blame the project ( like I use to ), you aren't being honest with yourself.

If you were making $300k in "IM" and you would feel good, it's not IM that you hate. If you would still hate it though every day when you wake up, then yes you need to change direction.

If you would love it at $300k daily, then the problem is your recent failures have got you down and you are self doubting and lack confidence and it manifests itself as you hating IM. If you would still hate it at $300k, then yeah you just hate IM and really need to do something else instead.

Think about all this tonight.​
 
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animalstyle

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@eliquid i can tell you that everything I've posted here has been done as honest as I can be with myself, but let me explain:

I did the test by answering as honestly as possible. I had no idea the outcome and had no benefit in lying to myself. I actually felt scared the second survey would be different, and I felt relieved when it came out the same as the first.

I have read the results about half way through twice now and find that I agree with 95% of what's there as it relates to me. It's very heavy and takes a ton of energy for me to process which is why I haven't read the whole thing yet.

I can tell you that the first post where I did my values and mission doesn't resonate with me down to a true feeling level. Very honestly I think I was really drawn to this thread because I know I need it and I appreciated your willingness to put this out there. I did that section very much based off your lead and re-reading what I wrote, I don't think I'd follow those values down to the end. I followed your structure and while I did my best and do believe in some of the things I wrote, especially as future aspirations, overall I never connected with the resulting list as a whole. Some parts (being more sensitive to my emotional and physical responses to work) I have really been observing and using to improve self awareness though.

I previously worked for a company that shoved their core values down our throats and forced them upon us and it gave me a really really bad taste for "core values" in that sense.

I printed out the list and tried to ask why for each option, but never did. I didn't feel drawn to it as an aide, I didn't reach for it in tough times.

In my second post where I gave you the money, structure, interest and my "I'd rather be burned alive", well that is about as honest as I can get at this point - my max capability in being self aware at this moment. It also is a structure that I built myself and can relate with. Its much easier for me to cross reference my daily activities using this list than the first.

These things come from hardship both in my current state and my past. I feel like these have come from a place where my back is against the wall and I'm desperately pleading with myself to correct course or lose my mind. Oddly in these really terrible moments I've found clarity - maybe because the path forward has become so unbearable that I can no longer lie to myself that what I am doing is OK.

I wrote these after trudging through work I hated yesterday and actually shared them with my wife yesterday. I looked at them again today for guidance. and reposted them here and they resonate with me still.

As you say, your values can change. I wouldn't list self awareness as a top skill of mine, but I can honestly say with the sum of my two feedback posts and this explaination that I am giving you the most honest feedback I can. I'm also not trying to knock your method you outlined, I truly appreciate this thread, the first list in the way I did it just didn't "work" for me right now.
 

eliquid

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Bumping as I know people heading into 2018 should be looking and doing this
 
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built

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So I finally did it, and this is what I came up with:

Autonomy

The reason why I started building websites. It started with my first job as a supplement rep, I used to attract a lot of hate from random people (still not sure why, because I'm a quiet and reserved person). It eventually ended up with some guy coming up to me and saying that the only reason Im working this job was because I was a loser and that I was too stupid to get a degree. So I told him to fuck off and he went straight to my manager and it ended up with me getting fired. From that day on I vowed to never work for anyone again because I wanted the power to tell someone to get fucked for treating me like that.

Individuality

Being able to be myself and inject my personality into whatever I'm doing.

Strength

Strong mind, strong body.

Consistency

Not too sure why I picked this one tbh, but it stood out to me. I want to be able to grind on something for months / years consistently. I want to dedicate my life to something.

I think is why I’ve been changing goals so much because I want to be in for the long haul but it doesn’t feel “right”

Innovation

Being creative and developing upon existing ideas.

---

This is just the first few things that stuck out to me, and it's the first time I've ever done an exercise like this tbh
 
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eliquid

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Good one @built

Roll with what you have.

My first set in 2015.. I did several times over and over and changed things out the more I did it before I settled on the 2015 versions above.

What I settled on back in 2015, I didn't feel 100% about. But I had to get started somewhere. Like you, I had one that I wasn't sure why I picked it, but "me" at that time in life liked it and it pulled at me.

This year I did the exercise again and again and again until I came up with what I have for 2017.

The sets are very very similar. So the core of me hasn't changed.

But as I matured and lived that life, I learned. What I learned along that journey, is why the words changed. They are very much still the same "idea", just different reflections of that idea.

With that, the mission statement changed slightly. Same core idea, just a tweak.

I know I am on the right path because the core idea stayed the same after 3 years, I just made modifications as I went along.

Sometimes I slip up and make a decision and it's wrong. I go back and remind myself of my core values and mission statement and I can see why things aren't working out and cut that choice out of my life. We are all human, so we all errr.

However, a lot of my goals and strategy going forward are guided by these values and mission statement and overall it has been great.

Once you get the full picture of:
  • Core values, mission statement, priorities - maybe even a personal manifesto
  • Myers Briggs and Enneagram results of yourself
  • A personal "DO NOT DO List" - I haven't talked about this, but I'm sure you know what this is
  • Evaluation of, "How does this choice/action/project impact me in 12 weeks, 12 months, and 12 years from now"
You really hone in on living 1 part of the the best life you can because you are making goals and basing decisions on what really fits you at the core of yourself.

Outside influences almost vanish. Pressure and guilt almost vanish. You never feel lost or insecure in yourself and choices. Paralysis by analysis is gone. You know the road you should be on because you built the road entirely for yourself.

And even if you fail ( hey we all miss our goals sometimes ), you will be much better off still because you're doing the work you should be doing still. Example, let's say worst case you end up broke. I can't speak for you, but if I ended up broke.. I'd rather be broke and happy doing work I love, than broke and miserable working for someone else on their dream.

Me being happy will help feed my drive and motivation. When you are miserable it is hard to have drive and motivation to get yourself out of a slump.

Build your road @built

.
 

eliquid

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Didn't want to violate forum rules with needless posts, but I felt this needed to be bumped now that we are in the new year and people might be thinking about their future for the next few days.

Here's to your 2018!
 

animalstyle

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2018 Alignment

Values

Self Esteem
Social Connection
Progress
Family
Contribution

Mission Statement

Focus on my personal mental well-being to grow into a more positive, social, confident person and use this improved self esteem to drive value to others.

Priorities

Positive Mindset
  • To exercise a positive mindset each day to enable me to perform to my highest potential and positively influence others.
Self Actualization
  • To operate at my fullest potential.
Deliver Value
  • Focusing on delivering true value to others knowing that this is the best way to grow a business, earn money, and find personal satisfaction.
It honestly blew me away to see how different this round was from my first - just 6 months later...
 

eliquid

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Yes!

Nothing makes me more happy then people "getting" the true meaning of this exercise. Seeing it can take time over months, seeing that you can get it wrong 1-2-3 even 4 times until the true you comes out and you see it, seeing that touching your core gets you closer to a real milestone and goal, seeing that when you get real honest with yourself that even if you fail on a goal.. you will still be "good".

Not to push you @animalstyle , but have you started to make actionable steps to these yet?

For example, one way to get to Positive Mindset might be affirmations daily. It's not the only way, but an example of something you could do. Have you started mapping out how to tackle each one daily from your list above?