Grinding on your own

LiptonIce

LiptonIce

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BuSo Pro
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How do you guys deal with this, because it's started to bother me recently - most of my "friends" (and I use that term very loosly) are in 9-5 grind jobs with average relationships and all that jazz.

I've come to realize that my number one priority is business, and that's what I spend most of my day doing. When you are in front of a screen for 16 hours a day, and I can only speak for myself here, but I feel a bit lost. I want to go out and enjoy the sun n shit, but this is more important to me.
 
Structure breaks into your schedule, whether that be every Sunday, or a portion of every day, or every few hours. Do the things you enjoy that aren't your main focus. Even if you're "losing work time" to those activities, I think you'll find you're more productive, effective, and efficient when you HAVE had your down time.

But yes, I don't really feel like I have time for the typical relationships. I keep very few associates and keep my inner circle very small just because I can't spread my time around enough to support more than that. Is that good or bad? I like it, but I'm also introverted and very independent. I don't thrive on social activity or external stimuli as much as I do with progress and intellectual stimulation.

If you don't feel like you're striking a balance, then find the balance. If you're judging your life based on other people's expectations of balance, then screw them. #YOLO.
 
@Ryuzaki

Cheers for the advice man.

I sometimes feel like I'm losing my mind, as in I'm not actually sane. I think perhaps that's a good thing though. I've noticed BuSo (as someone else mentioned) does attract a certain special type of person - people with goals, dreams and aspirations.

From what you said about yourself, you sound very similar to me - introverted and independent?

You can read me like a book bro.
 
Welcome to my world. This daily grind shit isn't for everyone. You're literally in a room by yourself for months/years on end, trying to make a product/service or code that will make enough of a difference in people's lives that they are willing to pay you for it. But the only people that you can relate to are located in different parts of the world.

The initial reasoning for forums was to exchange ideas and communicate, but now it's become a digital home where people come just to be among others that they can identify with.

I can tell you I've had my sanity pushed beyond anything I care to describe. The best thing that always helped was hanging out with the dwindling friends I have left. It's not like I can hang out with most people from my past - they're busy at their 9 to 5 trying to get by.

Meanwhile we've discovered the time equals money phrase is complete bullshit and we exchange our ideas, risk, and execution for money. We build system that can help people maximize their own lives yet at the core of in order to truly not go insane you need outside interaction.

When I left my agency I started working exclusively from home - horrible idea, now I'm at the point where I need to get an office to separate my home and my work and get back into human interaction cause you can literally lose your mind when you don't see another human being for weeks on end and only interact with them less then a minute when passing people in hallways or on the street.

I started getting obsessed in news that was happening - emotionally connected to things happening around the world and what was worse the news was constantly negative, deaths, murders, war - so when all you see is that and not the other side of humanity it can create a very bad cycle. I stopped cold turkey going to news sites, and try to limit my interaction with the latest going on, but it's still hard. This grinding 18+ hours a day 7 days a week is a real grind. Make sure you have a goal or a light at the end of your tunnel that you are striving for. Something small like getting an office after $XX,XXX monthly revenue and growing staff or taking a serious vacation every 3 months - I've started to just disconnect completely for days at a time - but it's hard on the mind. I know exactly what you mean by coming close to insanity... If I haven't already jumped off that cliff.

We literally are living the internet... Fucking Crazy.

Your diet also helps - I switched to all fruits for a week and my brain and mind became crazy clear.
 
@CCarter

Again, I can relate to a lot of what you just wrote.

I come on these forums to talk with people that I can relate to. My family have never been entrepreneurs, especially one side - "everyone needs a job" is something I hear frequently and it irks me to no end. As soon as people see you are taking a different path, they automatically doubt you, say you're deluded and it can't be done. I don't understand them. If they are happy with their 9-5 jobs then good for them; some of us want bigger things in life.

You're right, it is like living on the internet so to speak, and it's true, doing this shit is not for everyone. I believe it is the right thing for me though. I like working on my own. Don't get me wrong, I like to socialize, but when you are trying to make big things happen it just all seems very trivial. I've also been through a lot of shit - to the point where I don't think there is anything else that I can't cope with. I've seen it and done it all - apart from this isolation. This is truly something tough to get through, when you realize everyone else is out having fun and enjoying the summer, but you're alone banging your head against a brick wall.

It really is crazy as you say.

@Philip J. Fry

To succeed.
 
The question is: What does success look like?

If sitting 14-16 hours per day in a darkened room in front of the internet is your vision of success - great.

::emp::
 
emp said:
your vision of success
Click to expand...

I think, regardless of your walk of life, whether it's entrepreneurial or not, this is something every single person needs to CLEARLY define. Without a vision of what you want to do, what you want to become, what you want to have, or where you want to go, you have to have an unbelievably clear mindset of what it is you're really aiming for.

If an archer doesn't focus intently on the bulls eye, he may still hit it on luck, but it's significantly more difficult and less probable. The further the target, the probability only decreases exponentially. And, unlike archery, we start away from the target, and can only hope to move closer, not the other way around. Therefore, the vision has to be ultra clear from the start.

In the IM world, the vision also needs to be tied to daily activities you know will bring you closer to your goal, as well. There are SO many distractions (this forum may be one if you're here for leisure and not learning or building relationships) that it could give you a false sense of work. You exploring Reddit for traffic leaks could very quickly turn to you just exploring Reddit. Building out your brand website could turn into continuously modifying how it looks rather than building traffic and monetizing it.

An extremely clear vision needs to not only be there, but continuously reminded. You can't sit down under a tree and imagine your vision, then get to work and never revisit it. It will slowly dissipate each hour, each day, each week until you no longer than mindfully grasp that vision the same way. You need to make it a part of your daily life. Have pictures everywhere; your car, bathroom mirror, mouse pad, checkbook even. Use IFTTT to message or email yourself daily with affirmations, goals, and the like. Dare I say, ask a few people who are close to you to hold you accountable to your vision.

Your vision ought to be the rock you keep coming back to. Something that gives you peace, focus, and the will to dig further. There will be many, many hurdles, and even a slight delay, slight refocus, or slight obstruction could lead to you losing your vision. Or it might be tragically huge. In either case, you should be able to revitalize your inner motivation and drive to get back on track whenever you focus on your vision.
 
@emp

I never said that - nor is it my vision of success. What does success look like to you? You seem to be implying, well, I'm not even sure what your point is. You have to work longer hours in the beginning. Perhaps it's different for you, but I digress...
 
I think a lot of business owners/entrepreneurs/freelancers lose their vision of success or never had one clearly defined. Another trap is getting attached to the project, or to a specific way of doing things.

I know this one woman (she is close to 70 now) who started her own restaurant about 4 decades(!) ago.
In the beginning, she'd stand in the kitchen, preparing food herself until deep in the night, propping the restaurant up by driving a cab by the side..

The restaurant got very successful around the late 80s, early 90s , so she had cooks and everything.

She is not unsuccesfull, now owns several houses, etc, but (!!) she missed the opportunity to remove herself from the equation, either to sell or to simply be the owner, not the every day manager..

So over time, the staff got older, the restaurant fell out of favor with the public, the neighborhood got less attractive.. things happen.

She is now standing in the kitchen until deep in the night, preparing the food herself....

::emp::

@LiptonIce
I think my response is more to the general vibe I get at times on forums like these regarding long work hours.
I'll address this in a sperate thread, tho.

::emp::
 
Philip J. Fry said:
Why are you working so hard? What's your purpose?
Click to expand...

Why am I working so hard? What kind of question is that? I can't comprehend that thought process.

I wonder what would have happened if someone asked Henry Ford "Why are you working so hard? - People just need faster horses." Imagine not having a car and taking GMO horses everywhere.

If they asked Thomas Edison "Why are you working so hard? People don't need light bulbs they just need longer lasting candles." Imagine walking into your Condo and clicking a switch and it lights candles instead of light bulbs. What the fuck kind of reality is that?

Imagine if they asked Bill Gates "Why are you working so hard? People don't need personal computer, paper and pencil is enough."

Imagine them asking Steve Jobs "Why are you working so hard?, People don't need a GUI, command line interface works just fine. The Xerox board was right to scrap the 'mouse' project."

Imagine if someone asked Elon Musk "Why are you working so hard? People don't need to accept credit cards easily online - just have them make all purchases through their phone, jeez go out and do something."

Imagine if someone asked Mark Zuckerberg "Why are you working so hard, why would people want to interact with friends from years past or in an online group setting to exchange ideas or the latest waste of time gossip."

I can't comprehend why I wouldn't want to work hard to turn an idea into reality and to see whether it succeeds or fails. If someone before you didn't work hard, those comfortable 9 to 5 jobs wouldn't exist, imagine if the founder of whatever job you have (or will have in the future if this question is any indicator of your thought process) - imagine if that business's founder was asked "why are you working so hard - people don't want drive through burgers..."

If I didn't work hard, what would I do sit around watching TV all day? Travel to some remote location take some photos and come back and tell people about the photos I've taken at some random part of the world? Sitting around for years at times on the beach doing absolutely nothing with my life or dreams or most importantly my brain.

I've done all that already, you know what makes me happy and excited of all others? Turning my dreams and ideas that keep me up at night into a reality. If I didn't work so hard you, @Philip J. Fry, wouldn't have Traffic Leaks and would be basing your business model off of my concepts. If I didn't work so hard SERPWoo wouldn't exist and SEMRush and now SpyFu wouldn't be playing catchup to this new competitor in the market place.

Why am I working so hard? That's a fore-thought of a mediocre existence and that's headed towards a 9-to-5 zombie life in 3-5 years, working for someone else to make their dreams into reality. Or maybe it is because you doubt your own ability/skill to create or be creative - "Yeah I don't want to work too hard - cause I might fail..."

Maybe you can't comprehend working on a creative idea or dream - me personally I may complain about some aspects of this life - but it doesn't mean I don't love it. I'd rather work 16+ hours a day towards turning my dreams into reality instead of 8 hours a day at someone else's operation saying "yes sir, no sir, right away boss..."

If I didn't work so hard - how would I turn my dreams into reality?
 
@CCarter

Well said. I was going to post something but didn't want to be rude - literally took everything in me to restrain myself from doing so.
 
Every thread, @CCarter

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CCarter said:
Why am I working so hard? What kind of question is that? I can't comprehend that thought process.

I wonder what would have happened if someone asked Henry Ford "Why are you working so hard? - People just need faster horses." Imagine not having a car and taking GMO horses everywhere.

If they asked Thomas Edison "Why are you working so hard? People don't need light bulbs they just need longer lasting candles." Imagine walking into your Condo and clicking a switch and it lights candles instead of light bulbs. What the fuck kind of reality is that?

Imagine if they asked Bill Gates "Why are you working so hard? People don't need personal computer, paper and pencil is enough."

Imagine them asking Steve Jobs "Why are you working so hard?, People don't need a GUI, command line interface works just fine. The Xerox board was right to scrap the 'mouse' project."

Imagine if someone asked Elon Musk "Why are you working so hard? People don't need to accept credit cards easily online - just have them make all purchases through their phone, jeez go out and do something."

Imagine if someone asked Mark Zuckerberg "Why are you working so hard, why would people want to interact with friends from years past or in an online group setting to exchange ideas or the latest waste of time gossip."
Click to expand...

Oh my... This had me laughing so hard. Freaking love you sometimes Carter!

On a thread related note...

I hated working in an office with others, where I was expected to be going 100% 100% of the time. I don't function that way... The way my brain works, the way most of our brains on here work, is that we're constantly finding connections, we're analyzing and we're making decisions. It's tiring shit. I hate having to communicate with others constantly who are usually at best lazy, at worst totally incompetent - who make my job harder.

Could I work at the level I do now in an office working with others? No way. It's just distractions, it saps my energy having to talk with people. I went to the cinema the other day, didn't talk to a single person other than my girlfriend and when I got home I was asleep within 30 minutes.

The ignorant will pile pressure on us to conform until we succeed, then when we do they tell us how good we've got it... How easy it must be to work from home. They'll tell you they have it harder at their job. There's a lot more mental/intellectual fatigue that comes along with this than sitting there punching items through the checkout. I've even worked manual labor and I was never THIS tired.

Even those who are supportive of you when you get to some modicum of what they consider success only congratulate you for that, not the mindset and the hard-work it takes to get there... They just don't get it and you need to learn not to care.

You will lose friends, you may even end up with none. It's lonely at the top... It's a common saying, why does no one ever believe it? I'd still rather be at the top than be one of the sheep. "Make yourself sheep and the wolves will eat you." We're the wolves.

Think about the way the world is going...

Modern day 'journalists' getting 'forced' to work online, desperately hacking away at their keyboards to get 200k+ views per month just to get by... Businesses totally reliant on people with our skill-sets to stay profitable, to stay relevant in the modern world. Authors becoming NY Times best-sellers purely because of Marketers & PR professionals. There's so much noise that you need to know how to stand out and you have so many more competitors which means you're going to get paid less and need to work more.

The people that realize where we truly are on the food chain and where we're going as professionals often absolutely abhor us for it. Not our fault that we have more ambition and do well (so friends leave with excuses about you being this or that), not our fault that we prefer building businesses we love, than doing any old shit (so business owners eventually learn to detest us for needing us and for the fact they're envious of our freedom).

So who gives a fuck if it's lonely when the pay off is you're literally one of the few who's going to be at the top of the food chain? The world isn't going to be getting any easier for your average person, if this is what it takes to get off the sinking ship then that's just a plus. When the shit hits the fan and there's next to no standard of living, you'll be thankful that you're isolated - trust me.

That's besides the point though, when was this ever about doing it for other people, living our lives for other people or living our lives LIKE other people?

Without the isolation, the hard work and the dedication you'll never have the money, power or ability to do literally whatever the hell you want, and make whatever the hell you want a success.

It's my personal opinion that the loneliness won't go away, not entirely, no matter where you work in the day, at night or in the early hours of the morning -- it's a by-product of who we are and what we do. Knowing what we know is in itself a very lonely thing.

It's somewhere in the fine-print when you sign up and you probably won't see it, but when it happens there's not really any going back totally to how it was before.

You've got to learn that this is probably the most common sacrifice we're all going to make to get to where we want to be, but you can still have a social life. It's a case of finding like-minded people, we have our forums and to be honest a lot of us do or will eventually meet up in real life.

I'm also a strong believer in balance though and I do think you need to make time for whatever else it is you love doing other than work. If for you that's socializing then you've got to put yourself out there in the sorts of places where you'll meet the right kinds of people... Lean toward your outgoing hobbies and you'll meet those people.

You definitely need to get used to the fact though that for the most part this is a lonely road and that there's a mindset there that you need to work on to be comfortable with it.

The longest I've not left the confines of my own house for is 12 weeks, ordered groceries online and just worked solidly. Wasn't a big deal because I'm more inclined that way anyway, but even for introverts - we do get the need for social interaction, so there was a certain mindset that needed to be worked on as well.
 
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Taking a break once in a while can refresh your brain (sorta speak) and give you more insight on what you should do with your life/business. Too much of anything is not good!
 
A lot of nice answers that I wouldn't be able to communicate as well from my lack of vocabulary of the English language.

But, one thing that happened for me over time was that after 2 years of not knowing where I was going and feeling this constant "grind" as I was experiencing with different businesses.

I finally found myself with a goal and daily "grind" that I feel grateful to be doing every day. The grind became a pleasurable daily routine and a creative opportunity where I see myself develop and where I am always astonished how foolish I was last quarter.

In the meanwhile, I lost 90% of my friends and my 4 years girlfriend relationship. I've never been happier and I'm even scared of serious relationships since I am more and more aware that I'm not the best boyfriend because my "grind" is more important than my relation.
 
@Sin

Can relate to the last part especially. Lost almost all my friends because of this bro. Once you're banking though, you won't care.

Friends come and go anyway, and life is too short to give a fuck about it.
 
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