Going through a quarter life crisis and a loss of motivation

[Strike]

This sort of topic might be a better fit for reddit or something, but I think you guys will have a better understanding of what I'm going through.

This post may also end up being a bit long. There may also be NSFW topics mentioned.

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When I was about 10 I began to subconsciously realize that I wasn't going to be compatible with working a traditional job. I began playing around with selling stuff on eBay, which brought in some pocket money.

I still studied hard in school and went to university as a sort of backup plan, in case I couldn't build something of my own. The former was a waste of time, the latter was a waste of time and money.

I was always shy/introverted, and was homeschooled through high school because I couldn't cope with it. I wasn't bullied in particular or anything, just found school extremely overwhelming. Although I didn't find university overwhelming, I didn't engage in any of the sort of stuff you're supposed to do at university/college, I just went to classes. I don't drink at all, so I didn't socialize through parties or anything like that.

With the spare time I had, I learned about this game and built a few websites from the age of 17 to 22 (where I am now). I now live off them.

---

During these five years of building, I never struggled with burnout or anything like that. I love these projects, and find them really fulfilling to grow.

This year though I've been going through a quarter-life crisis of immense proportions. I've adopted this sort of "you're only young once" attitude, and have been doing things that I've always wanted to do (or thought I did) with the income I currently have available. My reasoning is I haven't really lived much, especially from the ages of 17-22, because of all the time I spent working.

• I moved out of my parents' place. At first I thought this was amazing, and I was being more productive, and wouldn't have to worry about working late into the night disturbing people. But I think living alone is driving me nuts after just a few months or so.
• I bought this particular car I've always wanted, and I'm trying to teach myself how to work on it.
• I've done a bit of traveling, with more planned. I find that traveling alone feels extremely weird. I'm not really one to go out of my way to interact with locals, especially if I don't speak the language, due to introversion. So I end up sort of floating through places.
• I saw a sex worker. My feelings on this are quite mixed. She was amazing and I don't regret it, but I find myself thinking about her still, which can't be healthy.

At the same time as all of this, my motivation has dropped off and I've been feeling pretty down. I will still immediately read/edit/publish articles that my writers send through, and do stuff that is clearly a quick win. But I'm finding big-picture stuff more difficult than I used to, such as devising link-building strategies for this new site that's finally ready to push live.

I'm still keeping fit as I've always done, and I cook/eat healthy the majority of the time. This isn't affecting me physically, yet, fortunately. However I'm struggling to get out of bed sometimes, unless I have something specific to do.

It's probably worth noting that I have a few friends I go and do stuff with, or play video games with a couple nights a week. The thing is they have normal lives and can't do stuff like traveling to Europe with me, for example.

It feels like I'm sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place with my introversion and desire to do more stuff. I feel like not drinking holds me back quite a bit, but I really don't want to pick up this habit because alcoholism has fucked up quite a few of my family members.

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Solutions

The non-mutually-exclusive list of things I can think of doing to overcome this:

• Therapy
• Doing more stuff that forces me to interact with people in the real world. The problem I have here is my interests are quite limited, due to the emotional and time investment I've put into building websites over the past five years. I'd basically be throwing darts at a wall to try and choose something new to do - I'm having trouble finding things that really appeal to me
• Trying to increase my workload, by doing something like starting another new site. I feel like this might not work unless I fix my motivation problem first.
• Moving back in with parents
• Dating apps. Not really something I want to spend a lot of time on, feels like meeting someone interesting with this approach would be a needle/haystack type situation, although I could be completely wrong.

Any/all thoughts and advice is much appreciated, BuSo.

 

[JamaicanMoose]

My man, get some therapy

 

[MinstrelJunkie]

Agreed - talk to someone who can help you work through these things properly. A forum isn't the best place for advice on deep topics like this.

Sounds like you're in a great place, just finding it challenging balancing out life with socialising and things. Wouldn't jump into dating - think you need to find your own happiness first. Definitely look into joining sport teams or communities that you can get involved into.

 

[bernard]

I was always shy/introverted, and was homeschooled through high school because I couldn't cope with it.

Really? And your parents would just think it was a great idea to homeschool you during the most important development of your life?

Yeah, I think you need to reexamine your relationship with your parents and you might want to read up on narcissistic parents and tactics of infantilization in particular. You're clearly a competent person, when you can work, travel, buy a car etc, but you might have a diagnosis that needs understanding so that you can develop socially enough to achieve the life you want.

just found school extremely overwhelming

Maybe you have ADD or a different condition. Go and see a psychologist first and then get a referral to a psychiatrist.

As for the rest. Here's what you need to do:

1. Get a job with cool coworkers

Forget about this idea about online monies. It doesn't matter if you're maladjusted and weird. You need to be in a structured young adult environment learning how to be a normal sociable young adult. Find a job that is very social and has a sense of cammeraderi and purpose.

It can be in most fields, but why not go into online advertising with your experience? Intern in some large digital agency. Say yes to everything in your job, every social happening, every sports event, etc.

2. Find an interest/passion

You'll find a hobby by being exposed to them, not by googling "what hobbies are good for me". Coworkers and friends can bring you along and you can see if it is something for you.

Also, the reason you feel like you don't have a lot of interests is because you haven't developed your personality, because you've been homeschooled, likely infantilized and deliberately kept back. Get into a habit of stopping and feeling, not thinking. How do I feel about this? Does this activity bring me joy? Does this thought intrigue me? It's a conscious process of learning about yourself. Your parents should have taught you this, but either deliberately took this from you or allowed you to isolate yourself. You will know you're passionate about something when you want to get up early to do that activity before work. Allow yourself to follow that passion regardless of what it is.

3. Don't destroy your life

Don't get in debt, don't do drugs, don't wallow in depression and despair, don't destroy your body.

You can come back from almost everything except the above. Keep working out, keep eating good, keep making money. Save that money. Don't do more travelling alone unless you change it up. Also don't be with more hookers, they'll warp your mind about sex and relationships and your attractiveness.

Be a normie, your goal is to be more of a normie. You have the experiences that others don't. Use that be a normie+, but right now you need to learn to be a normie.

 

[Ryuzaki]

Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. It sucks but you'll get through it and come out the other side a much more evolved and mature version of yourself, for sure.

I'm going to comment on a few things that stood out to me with a personal, non-professional opinion that might help give you a frame of reference or at least food for thought.

I still studied hard in school and went to university as a sort of backup plan, in case I couldn't build something of my own. The former was a waste of time, the latter was a waste of time and money.

This quote gives some insight into what I call "poisonous thinking" and I've heard it called "stinking thinking". Neither early school nor college are a waste of time, period. You're not really there to learn how to think (that's something we have to do on our own, sadly), but more so what to think. In the crash course we set out to do the opposite, because it's more important to learn how to think.

But becoming educated and exposed to a wide variety of information is fantastic and never really a waste of time. It's what our time as youths should be filled with, so we can then go out into the world and know what the hell is going on. And having a fallback plan isn't a bad idea, either.

A LOT of people stop developing in high school and basically give up learning during high school. Then they go out into the world and have zero confidence in their ability to source and learn and execute on information. They never grow. In our ever-changing industry, we have to learn daily and put the info to work daily, and we usually have to be the source of the trustable information for ourselves.

My point is, it's not a waste. And thinking that it was takes an entire portion of your life and assigns meaningless to it. No wonder you don't feel good, you know. I'd practice thinking more positively, especially when I catch a negative thought. A good exercise is to immediately replace it with a positive, and just make it a rule to do so. This will change how you view and interact with the world and your biographical history you're writing as you go through life.

I was always shy/introverted, and was homeschooled through high school because I couldn't cope with it. I wasn't bullied in particular or anything, just found school extremely overwhelming.

That's fine. I'm introverted, too. Your parents allowing you to pull out of school is a horrible idea. You're supposed to play to your strengths, not reinforce your weaknesses. This is likely a large reason why you feel and are struggling socially. You didn't build up a social network through school and you didn't get a chance to do it through work either. You can't go back and change this, but it's also definitely not too late.

Every time this topic comes up, I like to remind people that we have the internet now. It takes like 10 minutes tops to find a group of local people that are already meeting up and doing exactly whatever you think you're interested in. Find a local web dev group, hiking group, chess group, whatever.

With the spare time I had, I learned about this game and built a few websites from the age of 17 to 22 (where I am now). I now live off them.

Nice, you're in a very advantageous position. Something to be extremely proud of and to protect carefully. I got started at that same age but didn't take it seriously for a good 6 or 7 years (went to college and "lost time" there).

I always think that if I had treated my sites more seriously back then and still had them, I'd be a multi-skrillionaire, like offensively rich right now. That's the opportunity you have.

I moved out of my parents' place.

This is good. Moving back to your parents is the worst idea you typed in this thread. Even worse than banging hookers. You're supposed to leave the nest. You didn't even type a reason for not enjoying yourself and wanting to go back. You described the benefits of being gone.

I don't know if it's an issue with courage or what, but no self-respecting, self-sufficient person wants to live with their parents, period. They might because the parents need help and are on the verge of death or whatever. But even then, they don't want to. It's backwards, it's devolution and de-evolution.

I've done a bit of traveling, with more planned. I find that traveling alone feels extremely weird. I'm not really one to go out of my way to interact with locals, especially if I don't speak the language, due to introversion.

Introversion is real, but it sounds like to me you're really describing (possibly) social anxiety and definitely just rusty social skills. All you gotta do is talk about weather, sports, ask them questions about the area, why they like it, and let them talk. Ask them what work they do. A real problem may simply be that you don't give a damn, lol, which is an issue for me, too. But there's so many interesting people out there. Everyone is experiencing an entire universe of being and it can be interesting to tap into it and see what other people have going on.

I saw a sex worker. My feelings on this are quite mixed. She was amazing and I don't regret it, but I find myself thinking about her still, which can't be healthy.

I think this is seriously a very bad thing to be doing, and I wouldn't do it any more. It's not a big deal that you did it. Sometimes people need to get over that first hurdle to see it's not a big deal. We have to get over putting the opposite sex on a pedestal and close the deal once, and then we see it's just another thing going on.

But if you're still thinking about a literal whore in the sense that you have feelings for her, that's because we're not wired to be having mindless sex with people. We're wired to have feelings and build trust and THEN go that route, and have a family. Your brain is tricking you, basically, because you circumvented nature.

I feel like not drinking holds me back quite a bit, but I really don't want to pick up this habit because alcoholism has fucked up quite a few of my family members.

Drinking doesn't hold you back at all. Not even one iota. I have alcoholism in my family and it ruins every single gathering and every single interaction. I actually got punched in the head out of the blue in a restaurant parking lot last weekend by my own dad, just to give you some context. It happens and it sucks. That's what alcohol does to a lot of people, and if it's like that in your family then it's better to just avoid it.

But that doesn't mean you can't go out with friends and have fun with them while abstaining. You can do every single thing they do while keeping your wits about you. You may find them to be annoying if they drink to excess, though. But there's zero rule that says you can't go to a bar or pub and drink water instead. If your friends pressure you, they're not your friends or are very immature and disrespectful.

I agree with some of the sentiments above. Do NOT go off the rails with depression, drugs, debt, wrecking your body with adrenaline junky stuff, etc.

Therapy is the real answer. I'm doing it now and it's great. You go in with the expectation to fix some specific issue and quickly realize you've accumulated a lifetime of nonsense to reprocess, and that the benefits are 100x larger and better than fixing any one problem. The problem you think you have is simply a symptom of the true issues (nearly always stemming from childhood).

Hang in there. We all care about you and we don't even know you. You took the time and effort to open up to us all, people are taking the time to respond, you know. I like that mutual respect we can share. And I don't like knowing any one else is out there feeling bad like so many of us have felt. But I do know that you'll be just fine. You might have to work for it, but you're not a stranger to work. You can do it and the result is you'll be happier, more effective in work and relationships, a more attractive partner, and so forth. It only gets better from here.

 

[ToffeeLa]

I hesitated about replying to you as I am of a completely different generation and so many of your comments were absolutely foreign to my points of view and the way I grew up/was brought up. (No social media/internet fixation as one major example.)

I agree with a lot of what has been written above (especially about not needing to drink, therapy, parents and comments about your experience with a sex worker) but what I would like to add is my own experience over different types of lifestyle and different stages of life in various countries:

Find something to do with other people outdoors away from computers and video game buddies that is not a 'bro' type activity. Going hiking or kayaking or volunteering with a conservation project will bring you into contact with all types of people from all walks of life and will help you deal others on a more mature basis.

Spending some time in the open air not thinking about work is also extremely beneficial to your productivity and subsequent inspiration. Even more so if you can combine outdoor experiences with profitable enterprises.

 

[eliquid]

Wow,

Some of you are way out of touch here. Gave some horrible advice. Especially you @bernard and somewhat @Ryuzaki, and trust me I hate saying that to you both.

So pulling this guy out of school, to be homeschooled is a horrible idea @Ryuzaki ?

Having your child homeschooled means you are now narcissistic @bernard ?

Wow, I can tell neither one of you are parents, and would more than likely have no clue how to raise a child.

Never thought I would see such short sightedness from either of you two.

I'll give you slight pass since you have 0 kids in school RIGHT NOW. But if I were you I would stop evaluating what you REMEMBER from school back a decade or more ago.

The best things I did for my kids were homeschool them since the 6th grade, especially when I walked in and found the teacher threatening to "choke out" one of the other 5th graders.. this was after multiple attempts of finding out how and what these teachers teach kids when it comes to just the curriculum and seeing what an embarrassment it is.

If you have 0 children, if you haven't been homeschooled, or if you have never taught a student to study the curriculum out right now in schools.. then I'm not sure how you can give such advice because all that is left is uneducated opinion about how you think things work.

I lot of students just went through 2 years of "home schooling" by not going to classrooms and having to self study ( no zooms call ins ). I guess the schools heads all had horrible ideas and are narcissistic?

 

[bernard]

Having your child homeschooled means you are now narcissistic @bernard ?

You're not a child when you're high school age, you're a young adult in their formative years who definitely need to be around other young adults.

Homeschooling young children is something very different, but a teenager needs to be with their peers.

Keep in mind we're talking about not doing anything else.

If you were homeschooling, but working on the farm with a bunch of other people or you were active in local society or sports then it would be different.

The thing is that high school, college, those are the easiest ways to meet a lot of people the same age as you'll ever have without expectation. All other social settings after college are based on interests or profit. College and high school is the best place for being exposed to all kinds of different people and ideas.

I fully understand why you'd homeschool, if I had kids, I could definitely see that. Particularly if you could live in the countryside, be around likeminded people, have kids be involved with adults more.

For teenagers, and the society we live in, which is hypersocialized, you're at a disadvantage, a big one, if you don't learn to navigate that.

 

[eliquid]

You're not a child when you're high school age, you're a young adult in their formative years who definitely need to be around other young adults.

Homeschooling young children is something very different, but a teenager needs to be with their peers.

Not a child when high school age..... He's a young adult instead.. OK. I dont agree.. but OK.

So maybe he made this choice on his own. I mean he isn't a child right? He's a young adult, right? What did his parents have to do with this then, other than allow him to do it. He isn't a child anymore by your logic, so why blame the parents?

But then you say later he is a teenager. So he's a child then, because a teenager is a child pretty much and not really a young adult. Which is it?

The thing is that high school, college, those are the easiest ways to meet a lot of people the same age as you'll ever have without expectation. All other social settings after college are based on interests or profit. College and high school is the best place for being exposed to all kinds of different people and ideas.

Not if you're an introvert or shy already. Like I was.

It's nice to think this, but it ain't gonna happen captain. This is fairytale wishing and not going to happen as expected though.

Some people thrive outside of social settings. So trying to fit a square peg in a round hole just aint gonna work for these people like you think it will. College might be the best social gathering in general, but it's not for introverts and shy people.

Just like long distance running might be the best exercise for humans, but it's not going to be for those of us that are in wheelchairs. This guy was already introverted and shy, his high school and college days ( which he went to ) aren't going to be social butterfly experiences.

For teenagers, and the society we live in, which is hypersocialized, you're at a disadvantage, a big one, if you don't learn to navigate that.

Maybe he already has navigated it, but is getting steamrolled by bad advice and is 2nd guessing himself. Who says being the most social is the end game though?

he already said, "It's probably worth noting that I have a few friends I go and do stuff with, or play video games with a couple nights a week. The thing is they have normal lives and can't do stuff like traveling to Europe with me, for example."

It seems like to me, he lost motivation, which has 0 to do with high school and homeschooling, or being hyper social.

I'll give you some advice.

This is coming from someone that is pretty much 95% you in many ways. Let me point out a few things first:

When I was about 10 I began to subconsciously realize that I wasn't going to be compatible with working a traditional job. I began playing around with selling stuff on eBay, which brought in some pocket money.

Congrats. You figured out a key to a good financial life that many people never figure out, or figure out too late in life to do anything meaningful with.

I was the same long ago when I found out how to sell baseball cards and comics and candy at school and that I also didn't fit in with corporate life/day jobs ( even though I had to take them later in life ).

Bad news, you are way ahead of your time and will never fit in with others, unless those people are entrepreneurs and hustlers. Your social circle just shrank.

I still studied hard in school and went to university as a sort of backup plan, in case I couldn't build something of my own. The former was a waste of time, the latter was a waste of time and money.

Fucking intelligent. Congrats.

You knew how to make a plan B and save yourself in case something DID happen. If you did have to play by the rules of life. Many many people don't have a plan B, let alone the brains to plan for a plan B to know they need one.

Your social circle just shrank again. Sorry, comes with the territory.

Bad news, we all find out most times studying hard in anything is a waste of time. Work hard was the mantra of Baby Boomers, but working smart is how things are in reality today. Sometimes you have to go through it ( just like I did ) to see, but your mentality to have backups and plan for failure is what sets you apart from others.

I was always shy/introverted, and was homeschooled through high school because I couldn't cope with it. I wasn't bullied in particular or anything, just found school extremely overwhelming. Although I didn't find university overwhelming, I didn't engage in any of the sort of stuff you're supposed to do at university/college, I just went to classes. I don't drink at all, so I didn't socialize through parties or anything like that.

Not an issue really. Some of us "are just introverted".

You're not going to change it. Trust me.

I wasn't home schooled, but I raised 2 home schooled kids ( and had 1 that just went to "reg" school ) and I get what you are saying.

College was a breeze for me and I never did anything either besides go to classes. I also didn't drink at this age or go to parties even with co-workers who were young like me.

Bad news, your social circle just shrank AGAIN because you're not willing to go to parties to get drunk or drink to just shoot the small shit with other people who already "don't get you" to begin with.

Don't compromise.

With the spare time I had, I learned about this game and built a few websites from the age of 17 to 22 (where I am now). I now live off them.

Congrats, most people only dream of being able to do something similar. Many can build a site, but can't get it profitable. Sounds like you did more than 1 and also can "live off of it" too. Pipe dream for many.

Social circle, shrank again buddy. You'd be lucky to have 2-4 friends in your life at this point. Even though the reality is in all of these people's "social butterfly" lives their 1000 "friends" aren't their friends anyways... think about that one.


***************

So here is my advice.

You're normal.

Everyone has fear when doing something they've never done before. This is where you are at right now and it is causing you stress.

You also got complacent. You lost the desire even on the projects you love to keep pushing higher.

So in turn, you start questioning yourself and how you have done things and get reinforced by bad advice from those that aren't like you, because most people are NOT introverted hustlers like you. For example, your friends that live "normal lives" and can't go to Europe with you ( your words ) or strangers here on the internet that have no clue about homeschooling.

If you want, I can share other things on how to help you get your mojo back.. but for the most part you are normal dude. You have the exact amount of friends most people REALLY have, you might just need different ones.

 

[smithy]

It sounds like you're introverted/shy (maybe even socially anxious?), but you either don't want to be or you feel guilty for being that way.

There's nothing wrong with being an introvert, even though it can sometimes seem like the world is built for extroverts.

You say that you've adopted this "you're only young once" attitude.

I get it.

You consciously or subconsciously see others or how young people are depicted in the media hooking up all the time, going to parties, constantly meeting friends and having the time of their life. You feel like you missed out on that part of your life.

Even though it can seem like everyone is living that life, for most people, life isn't like that.

You question using dating apps, but I think it would be really good for. I don't know you, so maybe you're just making excuses due to fear, or maybe you're not. Be honest with yourself and see which one it is.

Even if it is a "needle/haystack type situation", what's the alternative? How else are you going to meet someone? How else are you going to get experience and discover what you like and dislike, and what you are really looking for or aren't looking for?

Even though you have friends, what I get from your post is that you're lonely and probably unfulfilled.

Seeing friends a couple of times a week is great, but that occupies just a few hours of the week and then you return home and you're all alone again.

"I'd basically be throwing darts at a wall to try and choose something new to do - I'm having trouble finding things that really appeal to me"

Again, I don't know if you're just making excuses, and it is out of fear or not, but try and not think like that.

View it as a chance to get out of the house, meet new people, and maybe discover a new interest.

You have literally nothing to lose, except for some time.

What I suggest is:

Try dating: A girl won't solve all your problems, but it's amazing how sometimes your outlook on life changes when you simply meet someone. Even if you don't, you'll probably feel good just getting out there, even though it can be nerve wracking. With every date, you'll gain experience and discover what you're really looking for.

Go to events/meet-ups: You might meet some new people and discover a new interest.

Find other people to live with: I'm an introvert. I've mostly lived with friends, but when I lived alone for a while, I hated it. Most people get the chance to interact with other people at work, but we don't.

Go travelling: I hate solo travelling, but look for coliving places. The concept is really taking off for remote workers and people like us who do our own thing.

You'll be paying a premium, but you'll meet like-minded people, see some of the world, likely form a few solid friendships and will have the opportunity to do something every day, either with others (if you want to) or by yourself. You might even meet a girl. No one will force you to socialise, but the opportunity will be there. It might surprise you to learn that most people who do this are actually introverts.

 

[CCarter]

Most of your problems seem to resolve around your social ineptitude according to you.

As a child you are never introverted. It's learned over time. In fact parents go out of their way to pull kids away from people that look dangerous. A kid doesn't know shit. They want to talk and explore the world.

You have no self-confidence, hence the introversion. Take a self-defense class, when you know you can fight you walk with your head held higher. Karate, Boxing, Taekwondo, something that involves actually hitting people without rolling around on the fucking ground like Brazilian jiu jitsu, ridiculous ass-shit. Once you're on the ground you're already done.

You have no belief in self. Take Improv classes, they will force you to interact with people in stage settings and you'll get used to people laughing at you. In fact you'll enjoy it.

Do Toastmasters, it will increase your speech skills.

To increase your social network join Rotary Club.

You have Oneitis for a prostitute. You're fucked. You have no-shame, there are stuff you take to the grave - that would be one of them. Read "The Wall Speaks" and "The Rational Male". Read them in that order, if you read them in reverse you will be fucked. Jerr and Rollo have additional books that go deeper but most of you guys just need to understand the basics.

There are 3.9 billion women on earth, simping on 1 - is just uncalled for. In fact once you get your dress and speech straight you'll arrive at a point where you have to disqualify women cause you have TOO many options. You may not be able to fathom this but a guy that dresses sharp and is on his purpose in life is more attractive this 90% of these "Lost Boys".

Most women are hornier than you, it's just you have no speech skills, hence you couldn't give away a free blowjob to a drunk sailor.

Keep lifting weights if you are at the gym - physically looking better will boost your confidence.

Dress

Dress like you care about your appearance - walk around in a suit all day and people treat you differently. Women look at your differently. You'll know a woman is interested in you when they compliment you, especially your shoes. Yes women loves shoes and that's the first thing they usually notice. Boys wear sneakers and Star Wars t-shirts.

Men wear shoes with dress shirts, dress pants, and suits.

Just changing your appearance alone will set you above the 99% of guys walking around with cartoon t-shirts and cargo shorts.

Dress is how you present yourself to the world.

You dress well, it means you take yourself more seriously. People's demeanor towards you instinctive and SUBCONSCIOUSLY changes to be "this is a serious person", because they are going to compare themselves to you.

Look at these two photos:

Which side of the continuum are you gravitating towards with your dress when you walk outside?

Who's on a higher footing in life? Who takes themselves more seriously? Who would people take more seriously?

And I've come to believe people inheritly dress like shit cause they don't want to compete. They don't think they deserve to be at a higher place. Or they are just scared of winning.

But mostly it's social pressures: "What will my po-folk friends think?" Fuck those peasants.

Whether people admit it or not, someone approaching you in a suit versus someone approaching you wearing nonsense like the red-shirt guy makes a huge difference. People judge a book by it's cover since you have micro-seconds to make spli-second decisions on whether the person approaching you is dangerous or friendly.

Dress is also important because you never know who you are going to meet outside. If you happen to run into Elon Musk, the Queen of England, your Mayor, or your future wife's father - if you don't look like shit and have a business idea, approaching them while dressed well is going to give you a leg up versus approaching them in red shirt guy mode.

Show up everyday ready for the war. You won't win every day, but you have to show up - in your armor. The way you dress is your armor.

Goals

The reason you can't get up in the morning is because you have no goals and therefore nothing to look forward to or really work towards.

Write down what you want out of life and create long term goals, number them. Look at your goals daily, mornings and night. Create affirmations for your goals.

Then create short-term goals to get to the long-term goals. Now you've got a "plan" and wake up working towards a better future for yourself.

Moving back to your parents' house is just you regressing. How does that help you even get "laid" if that was your goal. Are you really at 23+ years old going to bring a girl back to your childhood bedroom?

If one of your goals is to get a girlfriend, and you read that from your goal list daily, you'll start making decisions that go down that route, gym, dress, life plan - then when you come across a stupid idea like "move in with your parents", you're brain will be like: "Wait how does this help with my long-term goals?" It doesn't, it's going to do the exact OPPOSITE.

You "boys" are lost in the ocean because you have no real leaders to guide you on your path.

A lot of this generation is raised fatherless, and if there is a father he was a weak one. Probably feminized, if not straight SJW White Knights.

You lost boys have to understand the world around you is constantly trying to put you down simply because you were born a male.

They don't give you the right guidance because they don't want you to become an Alpha. The movies you watch, the tv shows, the social media feeds, the news, the laws, it's a constant barrage of shit to make sure you don't rise. Notice how on the TV Shows the father is a bumbling buffoon.

The world is going out of its way to stunt YOUR light.

Cut it all out, and go about your purpose. But you have to have a purpose.

If you don't have a purpose you'll keep finding it hard to get out of bed.

"You are God's power on Earth." Act like it. Look like it. Talk like it.

"You've been ashamed, by design and society, of just how powerful you truly are." Enough.

You can be a Man of Consequence, you can be a Serious Man who takes on the world OR you can be a Lost Boy. It's up to you.

 

[smithy]

I just finished reading The Wall Speaks.

Yeah, that book is not going to help you and will do more harm than good.

While there is some truth in what he says, he is not a man you want to be taking advice from.

His mom left his dad when he was 2, he had a shitty childhood, he marrried the first woman he kissed, she cheated on him, he looked for answers from forums and blog posts as to why, and then he developed this worldview.

It this sounds vaguely familiar, at least the latter, it's because it is. This is how people get into the red pill ideology.

I feel that "The Wall Speaks" is a very apt title.

Read the book, put on this persona that hides every aspect of yourself because, obviously, there is something fundamentally wrong with being you, and then see how much it will fuck you up down the road.

Here are some gems from the book:

Crying is for children and women eternal.
“But JERR” the voice again interrupts “You must cry every now and again?”
Yes, I do. But I cry alone and become ashamed over my weakness when the tears flow out. Crying is a breakdown of masculinity. It is repaired with the back of a sleave and a healthy dose of shame.

When a man goes down on a woman and licks her pussy, he puts himself into a submissive position and inflates his woman’s ego.

“But JERR” a voice calls out from outside the page “What if a man enjoys licking pussy?”
If a man liked getting pegged, I would still recommend he not do it for his own dignity’s sake. But licking pussy could be considered a dominance act if the woman is tied up and couldn’t move. Then maybe I would consider it as okay and not ego fuel for her.

Society should encourage men to be educated and not overly encourage women. That is a horrible design that negatively effects our sexual selection. (Education plus the money it provides) Why? Because feminine intelligence is like the snake in the original garden, it breeds chaos in that it undermines a man’s authority within his romantic relationship.

When my stepdad was throwing chairs over my head when I was seven could be perpetually seen as cruel but in retrospect with rationality, I can see that he was in fear of losing control over his own dignity. That allows me a god-level view of him and not an angry-man view of him.

Also, a man should always control the money in the relationship. If the woman makes more than her man, then that means he has control over more. She must ask permission to spend money that she earned.

A woman doesn’t fall in love with a man’s personality, she falls in love with the wall that hides his personality.

Anxiety and depression are both failures of masculinity.

Something called submission therapy:
Instruct her to kneel before you.
Tell her to repeat after you and read the following
“Submission is love.”
“Resentment is doubt.”
“To believe is to submit.”
“Trust is love.”
“Disrespecting a man is hating a man.”
“Respect is love.”
“Doubt is hate.”
“Resentment pushes away.”
“Submission is belief.”
“Bitterness is cancer.”
“Submission is healing.”
“Resentment is hate.

My issue with these books, apart from the obvious misogyny, is they ironically preach the same message as the issue they are trying to solve: you're not good enough. You should feel bad for being you. There is something fundamentally wrong with you.

@Strike you've received a lot of help in this thread. You haven't responded to anyone, but if you're still reading, just go get therapy. It will be immeasurably better than reading a book or getting advice from strangers.

Accept yourself, know that nothing is fundamentally wrong with you, look to improve and grow, tackle your fears, have some goals, put yourself out there, but most importantly, get therapy.

Don't go down the red pill route.

 

[GNews]

not complicated.
Check my story on this forum about being abandonned and having to Will & Work my way through thing

Life happens. And everything passes.

TAKE ACTION with your time.

And TRAVEL bro... Meet people.... there's people just like you out there but do realize the VALUE of the valuable relationships you have. People that add something to your life.

 

[CCarter]

Another 2 books I recommend are:

1. Iron John by Robert Bly

2. Shattering the Feminine Frame by Jerr rrej (Author of The Wall Speaks)​

Shattering the Feminine Frame will help "Lost Boys" understand why they seem to be drowning while being called the oppressing "patriarchy" at the same time. The system has been setup against you by weak men that were looking to please woman. The laws that takes your children away from you in a divorce by default is one of the most crystal clear problems that the fight is against STRONG MEN.

To help round out what's going on, Iron John talks about WHY the society has become this way, basically:

Before the industrial revolution fathers, uncles, and grandfathers would work in the "field" on a farm, or in the "mines" (coal mines) for generations. When the boy turned 12 or so, they would then be taken out of the house (where feminine energy reigned supreme) and into the field/mines and work alongside their other male family members for the next several generations.

In tribal times, when boys turned "of age", usually 10-12, they would be taken away from the women by the older men (fathers, uncles, etc) and taught how to be a "man". In several instances the boy wouldn't see their mother for up to 2 years.

Then industrial revolution happened and fathers now travelled to factories for work. In England if you didn't own land you were FORCED to travel to work. So now the sons no longer worked with their father, learned how to be men. They become more feminine as they spend their childhood and teenage years surrounded by feminine energy in the house hold. Even at school 95% of the staff and teachers are women.

Their fathers became "mysterious" because sons couldn't see what they did. That started the distrust and eventual breakdown of the father figure in the west.

Notice how most TV shows have the father a bumbling buffoon.

Men have been getting attacked due to the mysteriousness of their fathers. That then discourages "boys" into becoming "men".

In the western world there is no "initiation" for boy into manhood. For girls, the second they get their period they are a woman. They can now bear children. But no physical event like that happens for boys.

So with no ritual to initiate boys into manhood you are left with boys growing old but not growing up.

What's the end result? Well woman asking "Where have all the good men gone?" AND this:

https://twitter.com/x/status/1614668870144360449

Grown boys that haven't grown up or want to take accountability or responsibly of being men.

Don't blame women or feminist. It's weak men that did this to generations of men in the pursuit increased GDP and consumerism.

AND NOW the society has become so both father AND mother are away from the home working for even more consumerism, instead of just the father. What's the end result? Kids being raised by the internet and continuing to spiral. On the extreme ends Columbine High School massacre because "boys don't have a purpose" without leadership or the initiation into manhood.

https://twitter.com/x/status/1633490382724931586

Me flapping my mouth is not going to solve these problems, but if you feel lost and without a purpose I recommend reading these 2 books so you start understanding your environment, society, and why things are the way they are. Afterwards then you have to make a decision whether to take action and change them or NOT.

To understand Peter Pan and the "Lost Boys" Analogy:

 

[UFO]

Before the industrial revolution fathers, uncles, and grandfathers would work in the "field" on a farm, or in the "mines" (coal mines) for generations. When the boy turned 12 or so, they would then be taken out of the house (where feminine energy reigned supreme) and into the field/mines and work alongside their other male family members for the next several generations.

In tribal times, when boys turned "of age", usually 10-12, they would be taken away from the women by the older men (fathers, uncles, etc) and taught how to be a "man". In several instances the boy wouldn't see their mother for up to 2 years.

Then industrial revolution happened and fathers now travelled to factories for work. In England if you didn't own land you were FORCED to travel to work. So now the sons no longer worked with their father, learned how to be men. They become more feminine as they spend their childhood and teenage years surrounded by feminine energy in the house hold. Even at school 95% of the staff and teachers are women.

Their fathers became "mysterious" because sons couldn't see what they did. That started the distrust and eventual breakdown of the father figure in the west.

Notice how most TV shows have the father a bumbling buffoon.

Men have been getting attacked due to the mysteriousness of their fathers. That then discourages "boys" into becoming "men".

In the western world there is no "initiation" for boy into manhood. For girls, the second they get their period they are a woman. They can now bear children. But no physical event like that happens for boys.

So with no ritual to initiate boys into manhood you are left with boys growing old but not growing up.

What's the end result? Well woman asking "Where have all the good men gone?" AND this:

It's amazing how this plays out perfectly, time and time again. For example, my Dad grew up on a farm and started working when he was 5 years old. For over 40 years my Dad was a master carpenter and worked in remodel construction. He owned his own small company for a long time so he started taking me with him when I was a boy, probably starting around 7-8 years old.

I hated it, especially since I didn't have a choice and it took up much of my summers when I'd rather be hanging out with friends or at home playing. Looking back as an adult I am extremely grateful he did that, I learned so many things like independence, how to work with my hands, problem-solving skills, how to use tools of the trade, etc. After my Dad got out of that business and semi-retired he gave me all of his tools. My Wife and I have been homeowners for 10 years now and anytime there's a problem, or something needs fixing, or we want to upgrade something I can tackle it confidently using the skills my Dad taught me.

It also set me up for later in life. I went off to college (15-hour drive from home) and graduated in 3.5 years with a degree while playing a sport. I've always been independent and self-sufficient, seeking out difficult paths, including becoming an entrepreneur, getting married, and having kids. I truly believe life would've turned out much different if my Dad didn't instill certain values and ethics in me as a child.

On the other side of the spectrum, you have my brother. He's 2 years younger than I am and was rarely forced to work with my Dad or do anything difficult in life. He spent his childhood playing video games and being coddled by my Mom. I love my brother, but he has little motivation to do anything hard in life or become successful, seeks out the easiest path, still plays with toys, doesn't date, lacks the confidence to even approach a woman, dropped out of college after one semester, stuck in a dead-end job he always complains about but does nothing to change, and employs a victim mentality. He's neurotic, self-centered, unreasonable, negative, and blames others for all his problems in life. Essentially a 34-year-old man-child and is the only source of drama in our family.

A little over a year ago my wife and I moved halfway across the country. My Dad followed us here shortly after to be closer to us and our kids. When that happened my brother lost his mind because he knows the writing is on the wall and that my Mom and youngest brother (31 years old) will most likely follow suit. He went nuclear and had a meltdown in which he proceeded to blame me for all of his problems in life. He can't stand the fact that everyone might leave him and he would be forced to become independent for once in his life. I've had to have some serious discussions with my parents about forcing him to grow up. He needs some adversity in his life, it's been long overdue.

So how does all of this relate to a loss of motivation? I'm usually in no position to give advice but will explain what helps me and if it helps someone else, then great.

I'm a human being and experience a loss of motivation like everyone else. What helps me is seeking out difficult things in other aspects of life. When I do difficult and challenging things, it makes the routine stuff much easier to tackle. For example, over a year ago I started exercising and lifting weights again. I've always been pretty active but had fallen out of it since having kids. I'm not a morning person but I force myself to get up at 6AM to exercise, HARD and DIFFICULT workouts without cutting corners which calibrates my body and mind for the rest of the day.

I also started using a sauna. Outside of the health benefits, I believe there is a mental benefit to sitting in agonizing heat for 20-30 minutes.

I know not everyone has a sauna or exercise equipment at their disposal but there are many things that can be done to live a more healthy lifestyle. YouTube has thousands of free exercise videos that you can do using body weight or without weights right in your own home with very little space needed. It's also free to take a walk or jog around your neighborhood. I like to make sure I'm pushing myself with whatever exercise it is as that is where I get the most mental benefit.

I've also made it a point to eat healthier, your mind and body are only as strong as the fuel you give them.

In general, I try to get out of my comfort zone as much as possible. Even if it seems little or stupid, just make things a little more difficult like parking at the back of the parking lot and taking a longer walk into the store, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, engaging socially with someone I normally wouldn't, volunteer to help with my children's sports and activities, etc. Just the constant act of getting out of my comfort zone, no matter how menial has had a positive impact in other areas of life.

I love the quote: "Comfort zones are where your dreams go to die." I believe it's true.

 

[CCarter]

I truly believe life would've turned out much different if my Dad didn't instill certain values and ethics in me as a child.

That is what parents are supposed to do, give you a mentorship and blueprint to life to fast track you to surviving on Earth.

Unfortunately in this "fem-centric" society, being a father and manhood is looked down upon, yet they cannot comprehend why they are so lost. So many boys don't get a blueprint or like in your brother's case weren't forced into the internship/mentorship with the father.

If you can see the difference in a 2 year age gap, imagine kids growing up in a single mother household, no responsibility, no accountability, straight victim mentality forever. Now multiply that across millions of kids for 2-3 generations...

Your father forced you to be man by bringing you to see his work, that's 1000% more than 90% of the boys coming up get. And that's why they are lost boys with no guidance.

 

[UFO]

Unfortunately in this "fem-centric" society, being a father and manhood is looked down upon, yet they cannot comprehend why they are so lost. So many boys don't get a blueprint or like in your brother's case weren't forced into the internship/mentorship with the father.

If you can see the difference in a 2 year age gap, imagine kids growing up in a single mother household, no responsibility, no accountability, straight victim mentality forever. Now multiply that across millions of kids for 2-3 generations...

I 100% agree. As much as the feminazis would never agree it's just as important for girls to have a strong father figure and role model as it is for boys. That's probably the reason they are so fucked up themselves and hate men, they didn't have a strong father in their lives. Repeat the vicious cycle...

I have 3 little girls, no boys. After our oldest was born, my wife gave me a book called Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker, M.D.

Dr. Meeker is a counselor for young girls and has been in practice for over 30 years. The research and statistics she provides were eye-opening. I had heard of and known girls and women over the years with "daddy issues" but didn't realize how much of a strong effect fathers had in both positive and negative capacities until I read that book.

We all know "daddy issues" can lead to stripping, prostitution, promiscuity, unwanted pregnancy, STDs, but she goes on to mention eating disorders, failure in school, drug/alcohol abuse, and depression as well as other factors and how girls without strong fathers are at a much higher capacity to be affected by those factors. The difference is night and day. Couple all of that with social media, traditional media, and people wanting to indoctrinate and groom children to adopt their narrative the odds are stacked against them.

Her solution? 2 parent households with strong, positive fathers, traditional and dare I say conservative (gasp) values. This is part of the reason why my wife and I moved from a large urban area to a smaller town, we wanted to return to a more traditional and wholesome environment for our children. The cities are hotbeds of cultural decay in my opinion and that is not where we wanted to raise our kids. The town we live in now is very family-friendly and full of people with traditional values that want the best for their families and children.

Part of what attracted me to my wife is that she grew up in a home with both parents and strong family values. My father-in-law was and still is a strong and positive role model in my wife's life. We are lucky enough for my wife to stay at home with our daughters and I see the continuation of a beautiful cycle.

I can't teach my daughters to be men, but I can show them what a real man is. That is if there are any left by the time they start dating.

It's sad what's happening in our society, and I don't see it turning around anytime soon without a large cultural shift. Kids need strong, balanced parents to give them the best chance for success in life. This is the epidemic very few want to talk about.

 

[CCarter]

I can't teach my daughters to be men, but I can show them what a real man is. That is if there are any left by the time they start dating.

That's the other side of the coin. All the time you see women complaining "where are all the good men?". The reality is they were destroyed by the grinding down of fathers.

Fathers provide structure and order. Which leads to accountability and responsibility. Mothers provide nurturing and guidance. It's ying and yang, you need both and when one is lacking chaos ensures.

Strippers are a crystal clear examples, 99% have daddy issues.

On the other side of the coin, why are there massive school shooting, by boys? Lack of father figure or absent father. And by absent, I mean they weren't home during the day, and barely there on weekends. Or he may have been a weak father that was led by his female counterpart in a submissive role.

The problem is a culture shift can only happen if something catastrophic happens where society has to focus on a singular goal of survival like the world wars. Like a person with a drug addiction that has to hit rock bottom before they realize they have to change. All of society has to hit rock bottom, fast. But a slow degrade like what is happening means things will keep getting shitter and shitter without a real rock bottom.

In your daughters' cases, if OnlyFans is now, within the last 3-4 years, and that is becoming a "norm", imagine in 10-15 years from now.

I thought Instagram thots and social media was rock bottom of how women degrade themselves... I was sadly mistaken. OnlyFans showed up. So what is society going to be dealing with in 10-15 from now. That's scary. What's after OnlyFans??? We'll soon find out.

Us flapping our mouths won't change anything. Every man here in the west has to decide to stay up straight, grow a spine, and lead by example. And the first step is to understand there is a problem. And I would venture to say 95% of the population has never been articulated where the problem stems from - if they even know there is a problem.

 

[UFO]

In your daughters' cases, if OnlyFans is now, within the last 3-4 years, and that is becoming a "norm", imagine in 10-15 years from now.

I thought Instagram thots and social media was rock bottom of how women degrade themselves... I was sadly mistaken. OnlyFans showed up. So what is society going to be dealing with in 10-15 from now. That's scary. What's after OnlyFans??? We'll soon find out.

Definitely scary. Gotta be on guard now with all this shit. We have to be vigilant as well as set the right example, hoping our examples set them on the right course for the rest of their lives.

Challenging to say the least, but being the best parent you can be isn't easy. All goes back to doing the hard things in life.

 

[illmasterj]

Challenging to say the least, but being the best parent you can be isn't easy. All goes back to doing the hard things in life.

Reading to them vs handing them an iPad for hours on end so they shut up. Building Lego instead of plowing them with ice cream. Playing along to their imaginary, exploratory games instead of throwing on the TV for 4 hours. Reasoning and persisting with them when they don't want to do a basic task for themselves when it would be easier to restrain them and get it done.

Some days, weeks, or months can be hard. Exhausting.

But when you get to look back and observe your kid in a group scenario, and can see that they are one of the emotionally stable ones that are able to articulate their thoughts instead of punch on... it's worth it.