I want to hear from people who can do this part-time successfully (work-life balance)

bernard

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If you're someone making a full time income from websites, but also find it easy to let go once the workday is over, then I want to hear from you.

This is the opposite of "hustle culture" I want to hear about.

I've had at least 2 mental breakdowns in the last couple of years and it was pretty rough. I've also built and sold websites for several hundred thousand dollars, but not enough to financially get me in a good place.

My biggest issue was that I couldn't mentally let go. Business was always on my mind. It took over my entire life. I've been spending the last 6 months "chilling" for the lack of a better word with some of the cash from website sales and I went from depressed and very low to feeling optimistic and happy. I thought my issues was with me, but they were with my lifestyle and work.

I am sure, I'm not the only one who felt like that at some point.

That's why I want to hear from well adjusted people. Those of you, who just work, get it done, leave it.

How do you do it?
 
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"Today I escaped anxiety. Or no, I discarded it, because it was within me, in my own perceptions - not outside." - Marcus Aurelius

I have that plastered on my wall right above the monitor.
 

Ryuzaki

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Did you mean "part-time" as you said in the title or did you mean "full-time"? I don't think it affects the answer, but I was unsure.

I'm finally starting to comes to terms with learning how to shut down and turn off the business side of things when it's time.

To me it's all about, first and foremost, boundaries, then it's about faith. Faith in my competencies and faith in a higher power. I don't mean fantasy thinking either, but just a general sense of "it's okay, it always has been, even if things weren't always pleasurable". That's probably too far out to explore and perhaps the most personal thing to talk about publicly.

But back to boundaries, we know how to have boundaries with other people. We have to have those same boundaries with ourselves. "Just because we can doesn't mean we should."

It's really obvious with some silly absurdist examples... Just because a lethal dose of drugs are on the table doesn't mean we need to snort it. Just because we have a fist and a leg doesn't mean we should punch our legs black and blue, even if we have the urge. These are boundaries.

But what about the subtle stuff like "Should I really go browse Twitter or Reddit or porn for an hour again?" Do I really need another smoke break which is just escapism for a few moments.

And now to what we're really talking about:

Do I really need to keep thinking about business while I watch this horror movie? Do I need to be consumed by thoughts of business at my family get together? Should I really look at the hourly view of my analytics and compare it to the same day last week, knowing it sidelines me and gives me anxiety most of the time?

A lot of that workaholism and rumination is fake work, anyways. Nobody works 16 hours for more than a couple days at normal efficiency. NOBODY. It's way better to recharge your battery, and to do that you have to turn off the monkey mind that keeps swirling thoughts of work around in your head. The thinking is mental masturbation. What we really need is sleep so our brain can order, categorize, process, and store these thoughts. Then we start coming to conclusions. Because I bet most of the time our ruminations about work aren't questions and aren't seeking solutions. They're just waste of time thinking with no goal and no problem being solved.

Life is too rich to be all consumed by work. Work is a means to an end, even when it's an end in itself (as in something we love to do). It's a way to provide a way to do the other things in life, too. And if we never stop to smell the roses, then it's a life wasted.

When it's said like that, that's an easy boundary to establish. "Should I waste my life or not? Should I take some chips off the table and enjoy life a little? Can I say yes to go hiking with my buddies this Saturday?"

I think to not set these boundaries obviously hurts us in every facet of our lives, but it also makes us less efficient and effective in our work. It literally pays to set physical, mental, time, and space-based boundaries for ourselves regarding work. It's the smart thing to do and the only one who can give us permission is ourselves. Which is where some of the "faith in my competencies and motivations" comes into play.
 

secretagentdad

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Hanging out with some guy that’s spacing out thinking about work all the time sucks. This also makes activities and hobbies shittier cuz you don’t get the full social human experience that’s usually part of them.

Consciously working to not be that guy and cutting the nicotine and adderal plus reducing caffeine shifted things to the other side of the spectrum for me.

Now my problems finding the time to think about work.

I think the most important thing is finding activities and people you genuinely enjoy. Those should naturally push their way to the top of your mind. If they’re not sucking up your attention, try new activities or make some new friends. When you’re not mentally invested in stuff works got less competition for the top of your mind.
 
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bernard

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Lots to think about here, thanks for the input.

You all have good points, I am reminded of Jordan Peterson's good advice "Treat yourself as someone you were responsible for helping".

Boundaries and finding more fulfilling activities and relationships is what it comes down to.

It isn't to do with work but everything else than work.
 

makoloko

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This is the opposite of "hustle culture" I want to hear about.
I'm against hustle culture and "try-hardism".

Here's what works for me: extreme productivity balanced by extreme laziness (note: this is the barbell strategy).

Every week, I organize and plan high-value tasks aimed at my long-term strategic goals. Then, on a daily basis, i intensely work on a single task. Then i do nothing. The creative energy is spent, so i need rest. I go for a walk, go to the movies, read, play games, watch stuff, do mindless chores.

Some days i don't feel like doing anything, so i don't.

Of course business thoughts pop into my head all the time. For that, i write them down somewhere (like in Trello on my phone) and move on. Most of the time they are stupid ideas that i discard later without wasting any effort (the opposite would be immediately researching every idea).

I try to only check my traffic stats once a month. Checking too frequently is just obsessing over noise. It doesn't help and only hurts.

Anyway, that's what works for me.
 

harrytwatter

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I smoke weed. Haven't found anything more effective at shifting me out of "productivity mode" and into "geek out about what I'm cooking for dinner mode" (or any other equally relaxing state).

It's not a perfect life but my ying and yang feel relatively balanced. Coffee in the morning for a work-heavy day and then bud in the evening for unwinding and recharging, with a trip to the gym in between to clearly delineate the two distinct modes.

Once I make it and get rich I'll let go of both vices and find serenity in the releasing of massive farts while practicing my morning yoga routine..
 
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I've given up on finding a work-life balance.

Tried, and there's nothing constant in life. Accepted the fact that there will be grind periods & vacations in my life. It's OK to let the business dominate your thoughts, that's how you can actually go deep where others can't/don't/won't go.

As long as you take care of your physical and mental health, then that obsession is actually a feature, not a bug.

I think that's the case for a lot of us here. We get obsessed AF about things, you kinda need to do it to succeed online. This requires a particular type of brain. When I'm not obsessing about work, I'm obsessing about other things. Learning, reading, music, etc.

And I enjoy it.

If you've got a brain like that, accept that mainstream "work-life balance" advice is never going to work for you. You'll have to find your own path. Experiment with different things. See what works, and what doesn’t. And I guess also accept that nothing will be constant, you’ll have ups and downs.

I've found that having a good self-care routine is a sine qua non here. Starting the morning with a workout or a walk. As well as shaking things up once a quarter at least, doing a vacation or a road trip, going to a new place doing new stuff.
 
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Do you know what would completely change your perspective and ensure that you make the right decision for you?
  1. Think of an age that you sort of expect to live to.
  2. Subtract that from your current age.
  3. That is how much time you have left.
Before you make a decision, calculate how much time you expect to have to put into it for it to achieve what you want it to do.

Is it worth giving up X-amount of the time that you have left to pursue that decision?